The time when I struggle to go against the norm,Those are the moments when I really thank God that I did not walk pass my God and values.
HI :)
Recently I realized that it was much better to not care about what happened in the past cause its just going to slow you down.
Why do I call some of the people I knew "Extraordinary Brave and Intelligent"? This is why.
If most of you think cheating in the exam hall is so cool, because it makes you score greatly and you don't get caught like others, well that's just wrong. For me I was "blinded" by the friends that I had around me. In year 1 I did very well like seriously well, and I wasn't interested in knowing how others would be doing cause I know its a sensitive topic (trust be I've been there). A side from that, I actually made friends with people who said things like " I like to talk to you, so that I could learn english from you". In my heart I was like, "owh, great, I don't mind even I'm learning". And I have really good friends who I hang out most of my times with, other than my church members. Little did I know, the next year the same people who I tot were my friends, were the once who ditches me from everything, and teases me with one sentence during finals "owh, you're so good in English you'll probably get an A" or "Aiyo, don't worry la you speak English ma, surely smart people".
Those became words that I hated the most. Note that within my gang we had 5 girls 2boys, 2 acted like they were twins and the other two(frenemy) are the ones that calls me to tag along most of the time. I didn't get like why some activities they had, I had no knowledge of it. The funniest part is they would act it out and say things like "how can u not know, you not there meh? I tot we told you" and for the record I could understand the things that you said about me and I can hear it THO I SPEAK ENGLISH! I'm not all dumb in Chinese, I just act don't speak. Well I got to see who my "real friends" are. One of the reasons of kicking out of the gang, like really NO contact was because I couldn't speak Chinese and the MAIN guy couldn't speak ENGLISH and all they want was fun and all I could show was discipline and rules. And The "twins", one of them tried to be like me because the "trend" of the girl who speaks English, loves to smile and yet discipline was spreading. I got so annoyed that what ever I said, she copied me and the MAIN guy said I was the like faker.
And I found out that all these while those guys that frequently help her are those who Like her (busted!! For some reason I had a rushed of energy and shun it out my mouth to those guys in private as the problem gets bigger. They had nothing to say but asked me to ignore the problem and walk away with an eye closed). To me those guys are nothing but suck-up shoe polisher cause they want her to be protected and be in good relationship with them. What a CHICKEN! Even I had the guts to bring it up to them. And I tot guys are rational. Pffftt, PLEASE~
That was also when I made my mind to stay away from them and be with myself. A part from that, I was doing very badly in my FINANCE subject only my classmates would take (30 of us). I was so down and thinking I was so dumb, probably coz my friend said I would have done better. I was really happy for those who passed cause their effort paid of. Just as I was broken and blaming myself, frenemy told me a secret I could not believe. To cut it short, All of them cheated in exam, assignment, midterms and whatever assessment in Uni we can think of. I was even more heartbroken, I got depressed silently. I couldn't believe after all they said and done, I really was happy for them to pass even though they mocked me for being English. And this went for a year until they graduated. I didn't want to go to Uni because I know no matter how hard I study, I'll still fail cause everyone in the hall cheats and gets an A, the graph shoots up and pulls the passing mark up as well.
What kills me more is that they (my gang) can sit and tell me how dumb I am and looking at them being happy of what they are doing. Frenemy even told me that I'm the one who is dumb because I didn't copy in exams because she said its so hard to pass, so why NOT, even her mom gives her a green light to do so. I had to see them everyday cause I'm not a person who would bailout from a friend. This has kept so hard in me till they graduated and I look at myself, I could not move on. Obviously its tempting to cheat but I just can't, I feel guilty and I don't have the face to show to my parents. Anyway cheating wasn't my destiny anyway cause I have the worst acting skills. While my friends were cheating beside me, I always get aimed by the lecturer or tutor, ALWAYS. It stressed me up that I ended up just scribbling and quickly get out. I wont be proud of myself, even God will not be proud at that. Probably that's a beauty of Holy Spirit, helps you to know right from wrong. I thought I was going to cracked about cheating but I didn't. I stayed true to myself and I would wanna earn my grades properly.
In the fall of year 3, I went for COP Camp and there was when I was tempted to talk to Ps Angela. I had so much in my heart that I didn't know what to do, at that time I also had family issues, study issues, "special friend" issues and the list wouldn't get any shorter. She told me one thing;
"As long as you've done your best in providing your opinion to help, showing what's the right thing to do, in the end its then up to them how they want to walk. To follow or not to follow. But the responsibility of making sure they do the right thing is not yours, if you take it as yours, you'll always be hurt. Don't take responsibility that is not yours"
Those became words that I hated the most. Note that within my gang we had 5 girls 2boys, 2 acted like they were twins and the other two(frenemy) are the ones that calls me to tag along most of the time. I didn't get like why some activities they had, I had no knowledge of it. The funniest part is they would act it out and say things like "how can u not know, you not there meh? I tot we told you" and for the record I could understand the things that you said about me and I can hear it THO I SPEAK ENGLISH! I'm not all dumb in Chinese, I just act don't speak. Well I got to see who my "real friends" are. One of the reasons of kicking out of the gang, like really NO contact was because I couldn't speak Chinese and the MAIN guy couldn't speak ENGLISH and all they want was fun and all I could show was discipline and rules. And The "twins", one of them tried to be like me because the "trend" of the girl who speaks English, loves to smile and yet discipline was spreading. I got so annoyed that what ever I said, she copied me and the MAIN guy said I was the like faker.
And I found out that all these while those guys that frequently help her are those who Like her (busted!! For some reason I had a rushed of energy and shun it out my mouth to those guys in private as the problem gets bigger. They had nothing to say but asked me to ignore the problem and walk away with an eye closed). To me those guys are nothing but suck-up shoe polisher cause they want her to be protected and be in good relationship with them. What a CHICKEN! Even I had the guts to bring it up to them. And I tot guys are rational. Pffftt, PLEASE~
That was also when I made my mind to stay away from them and be with myself. A part from that, I was doing very badly in my FINANCE subject only my classmates would take (30 of us). I was so down and thinking I was so dumb, probably coz my friend said I would have done better. I was really happy for those who passed cause their effort paid of. Just as I was broken and blaming myself, frenemy told me a secret I could not believe. To cut it short, All of them cheated in exam, assignment, midterms and whatever assessment in Uni we can think of. I was even more heartbroken, I got depressed silently. I couldn't believe after all they said and done, I really was happy for them to pass even though they mocked me for being English. And this went for a year until they graduated. I didn't want to go to Uni because I know no matter how hard I study, I'll still fail cause everyone in the hall cheats and gets an A, the graph shoots up and pulls the passing mark up as well.
What kills me more is that they (my gang) can sit and tell me how dumb I am and looking at them being happy of what they are doing. Frenemy even told me that I'm the one who is dumb because I didn't copy in exams because she said its so hard to pass, so why NOT, even her mom gives her a green light to do so. I had to see them everyday cause I'm not a person who would bailout from a friend. This has kept so hard in me till they graduated and I look at myself, I could not move on. Obviously its tempting to cheat but I just can't, I feel guilty and I don't have the face to show to my parents. Anyway cheating wasn't my destiny anyway cause I have the worst acting skills. While my friends were cheating beside me, I always get aimed by the lecturer or tutor, ALWAYS. It stressed me up that I ended up just scribbling and quickly get out. I wont be proud of myself, even God will not be proud at that. Probably that's a beauty of Holy Spirit, helps you to know right from wrong. I thought I was going to cracked about cheating but I didn't. I stayed true to myself and I would wanna earn my grades properly.
In the fall of year 3, I went for COP Camp and there was when I was tempted to talk to Ps Angela. I had so much in my heart that I didn't know what to do, at that time I also had family issues, study issues, "special friend" issues and the list wouldn't get any shorter. She told me one thing;
"As long as you've done your best in providing your opinion to help, showing what's the right thing to do, in the end its then up to them how they want to walk. To follow or not to follow. But the responsibility of making sure they do the right thing is not yours, if you take it as yours, you'll always be hurt. Don't take responsibility that is not yours"
It didn't hit my head that time as I was so drowned in my own problems, talking to her helped me opened up to many things and manage to MAN UP, and tell something of as I was to pleasing to many people until, now I'm finally exploding. Well, my trust worthy friend who never fail to check on me aka Deriss, had a serious talk with me. Trust me she is good at reverse psychology, in a good way. I begun to view my goal properly again and never let things or people to bring me down. It was not an overnight change or changed thing, but there's always room for change. Giving myself another chance. Everyone falls and stands back up. And you can't say who fell deeper or lesser, cause all situation varies differently. It might be hard for her or him but she or he can bear, probably, you're not ready for problems like her's or his'. So stand back up Y'all!! God has made us conqueror. You are to overcome greater obstacles in life. Come to think of it God had doors opening for me as I place my trust and hope on Him. As for my friends, many of them are still dangling about their life and not happy where they are now. We if you learn the wrong thing in life, you'll probably regret it, cause how long can you cheat in life? How much chance do you stand, if your competing with someone who experience life (with stand stress & mature) and applies what they learn with good values? Cheating is already off limits from values, so you decide who and which person you want to be. Just as you honour Him, He will honour you as well. Deriss' life in studies is one miracle God did, so did Lily's. I'll write about them soon ;)
