Midnight messages are just irritating when you're doing assignments
Dear God, Please allow me to burst out a while. I really need to. I need to tell you this, I don't know how to say but I can only write. Lord!!! Today was rather an uncomfortable day, I couldn't avoid certain things and I felt bad because of that (its not a sin, don't worry). I switched on my Hillsong songs and I just felt like crying. Suddenly I really miss Daddy J's presence because I don't want to be caught up in certain things and I don't know what to do. I could only speak in tongues and soak in His presence. And just as I felt better, she messaged me. I really feel, she doesn't really care what or how I feel because all she knows and tell people when she does something bad is "I know Sara would understand me". I would but...... I just don't know how to say. I rather receive message from my long lost friend who makes me laugh.
I know I should be sleeping now (4am) or doing my take home test.
I feel like saying something.
Sad to say, I have a frenemy too :(
And its making me crazy when she messages me at this time.
I just dont understand her messages. I dont know what she wants
Can't she just go straight to the point and tell me that she needs me to accompany her??
Sometimes I can be forgetful and when I remember I don't mind offering.
But if with that tone and ENLARGED words, PLS
Even if i remember, I'll pretend as if I can't.
I want you to say it FOR ONCE!!
One more thing, Don't go all out being my mother, because I only have one
And she's in Kajang
I appreciate you messaging me in the morning
BUT
If i don't reply, its either:
1. I have no class, I can sleep
2. Its not my time to wake up YET
3. I'm bathing
4. I'm irritated with the way you message me.
Who wants to wake up and receive message like as if you were late for a date with her
or even like she's demanding you to wake up?
If you're so free, pls do it to your BF, He would seriously LIKE it :)
And whats with " Go check bus schedule"?
You're going to Uni, NOT ME!!
Why am I the one checking?? Crazy ah?
 |
| Scary rite? This is how she sound XD |
Oh yea!! When one is hungry, you're NOT the BOSS.
When you're hungry, you act like as if the whole world has to follow what you say.
"Sara, I'm hungry now. WHERE ARE YOU??"
I don't say anything, doesn't mean I don't mind. You order me!!
The thing is, I WAS NEVER HUNGRY WHEN YOU ARE, YOU KNOW?
Never had you took the time to think about others.
It saddens me that after 2 years being with you, every time, when I need 10 minutes to
just finished what I've been doing, you had to say this
" you know i can't be hungry. really wan."
You're gonna be hulk ARE YOU?
Another things she always say when we're in a middle of discussion or rushing for assignment is
"I'm hungry, lets go out. You dont wan ah? Then I go JH there eat. Really
don't wan? I can't be hungry wan le. I have gastric wan wo"
How can I not know you have gastric when you keep repeating it, since
I MET YOU!!!
I also have gastric okay, not only you.
We're so busy, can't you sacrifice a bit? All of us are sacrificing.
Some times I don't know how to say but
You can never sacrifice for others BUT you always expect others to sacrifice for you
If you go out to the real world, you'll find yourself being in depression
because, there won't be a person who'll give in to you
or even sacrifice for you.
Face is really that matters to you ah?
Never also say that I hear wrongly, am I deaf to you??
I tend to have a very good memory about what people tell me, especially you, because you always
question me, so I have to, in order to protect myself.
What ever I told or advice you had always been a rubbish to you.
How i know?
Because you always interfere when I talk even its a word " I "
AND
What people like your hometown friend, WM, J, JH, and TC say
is exactly what I SAID and you dare tell me, "why we can never thought of that huh"
How can I not know you have gastric when you keep repeating it, since
I MET YOU!!!
I also have gastric okay, not only you.
We're so busy, can't you sacrifice a bit? All of us are sacrificing.
Some times I don't know how to say but
You can never sacrifice for others BUT you always expect others to sacrifice for you
If you go out to the real world, you'll find yourself being in depression
because, there won't be a person who'll give in to you
or even sacrifice for you.
Face is really that matters to you ah?
Never also say that I hear wrongly, am I deaf to you??
I tend to have a very good memory about what people tell me, especially you, because you always
question me, so I have to, in order to protect myself.
What ever I told or advice you had always been a rubbish to you.
How i know?
Because you always interfere when I talk even its a word " I "
AND
What people like your hometown friend, WM, J, JH, and TC say
is exactly what I SAID and you dare tell me, "why we can never thought of that huh"
 |
| I have to much anger in me, maybe I should read this book.Than I shall be a happy child :) Hehe |
Lord!!! This is how discourage I am. Its not once, but every time. And it keeps coming that, there's no time for the previous ones to heal. Honestly, I also have limits just that I don't show and when I'm just protecting my rights, it seems like I don't even have the say to even mentioned my opinion. What's the use of being a friend when I actually am scared of this person, how can i ever be honest with her just as she DEMANDS. Lord, a person who demands for a friendship is seriously scary. Its like every step or word I say has to be good to her ears and eyes, How can I be comfortable being around with her? I rather be with damon, chloe, voon qian, han sin, and choon kai :(
Deriss always tell me her way of love your enemy is not this, its like really your enemy, someone who hates you. Isn't she sort of my enemy?? I mean Frenemy? I don't want to have enemies in life, to be truthful. From there, I kept thinking am I doing the wrong thing?? Maybe I'm doing tooooooo much for her? Shall I stop till God says something? But if I stop, she'll say that I'm "boikoting" her AGAIN :p I just dont know what to do.
Is it my turn to be what people say "emo"? Hmmm, I don't want to!!!! GOD HELP ME!!! I'm a restless kid now. I want to take a rest, because when I have no class is where I had to accompany her. Equal to having 5days class. Gotta stay positive, SARA!!! Come on, its just another game of that "stupid feller" who wants me to do opposite of what God wants me to do.
My prayer:
Lord Jesus, i come to you as your child and a sinner. Help me to keep out of problems but be spiritually ready for Your work. Lord please give me strength and patience that is needed in this rough road. Make it bearable to me if that's what You want me to do. I'm a human who is easily shaken and influenced, please help me to be who I'm suppose to be, like You. I also pray that she'll find no fault in me when ever she tries to, help me to also protect my rights in a Godly manner. Even if it means for me to be hurt or suffering, for her to know You, I pray that I'll be ready for it. But keep me aware and always sensitive to You. Guide me and be my mentor in this matter because Your way is always the best. Never would I want to try my way, because I clearly know You're the best problem solver and peacemaker, why would i still want to waste my time but to seek You and ask for help. Lord You're work has always been amazing and mind blowing, let this be another amazing testimony to be told of in Kampar. I bring the whole week to your hands, praying and hoping that You'll always be there and it would not be just an ordinary week but miraculous week, continue to speak to me and use me the way You want. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.
Fuhhhhh~~~ I feel so much better :) Thanks for listening Daddy :)
Sincerely,
Sara
P/s: Was munching on chocolate in a cold weather along with me anger while doing my take home test, really is a good combination but how can I stay till, 8pm? I need to get sick :p To be away from many things.
~~ God Bless ~~
~~ Loves from Me ~~
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