PAST . PRESENT . FUTURE .

I don't know what subtitle to give it cause its just inexpressible :) 

Lately, I really feel my prediction are true. Previously before we, as a family came back to God as a family, there was never peace, happiness, joy, or any connection, we barely talk to our parents. After nearly 4-5 years of hardship and coming back to God, many things changed. We were closer than ever, we laughed more than before, and WE SPOKE TO OUR DAD!! Hahaha!! When I was young I could only remember, seeing my dad in his office room, walking, in his room, dining table and scolding us *like every minute* We were never close to any of our parents except our grandma :) I do agree that when God takes a life, is to save many others around that person. I experienced it twice. The only thing that I regretted when my grandpa passed away is that, I never knew him because he was sick and he only played with my brothers and I was always called the bad girl, but I never blamed him. I enjoyed listening to the stories of how my grandpa was the one who prayed for 40 years for my grandma and he was the most respected teacher in St. George, Taiping, because he would help students with their studies and then cooks for the family and he COOKS very well ;) All my cousin brothers told me how my grandpa would cycle them to school or for evening stroll around the park. Another thing is my grandma, she took care of my since young, even though she was like Sam's best friend :p I still appreciate her a lot, she wakes up in the morning 630 am and starts cleaning the whole house, she never allows anyone to touch or interfere with what she was doing. She was the one who ties my hair for school, outing, church and even ballet classes. I remember she was angry at me because when I was standard 6, I cut my hair short and she couldn't tie my hair anymore. She said " big girl already huh? Can cut your own hair no need mama tie and cut for you" Cute right?? Hehe!! My parents never likes me having long hair and my grandma was always the opposite, don't know who to side :p Before she passed way, she promised me she would would get well and watch me perform on TV, it was for teachers day, sadly, she couldn't make it but I guess she would be proud even though she didn't. 

Like I was saying, lately.....

I'm always away from my family and the worst thing is, many things happened when I'm not around. No one wants to tell me and they say its nothing. I mean how can it be nothing, when ever you guys nearly touch that subjects everyone keeps quiet and changes their expression?? Early this year, I realize the joy, happiness and even culture that my dad "set" was slowly going away. Everyone seems to be having their own plans. Some times when I'm back, I find myself sitting on the able alone eating, while mom eats in front of the TV, dad eats and left, Koko sometimes not there or not eating, Sam eats some times. Its sad that we use to eat together and joke at that table but now one by one, people leaves that table. Can't blame also :) That's why sometimes I would rather keep quiet and watch people enjoy their time, its fun, then you'll feel like "Thank God for them". Things will never stay the same after 5 years, what we can do is enjoy and really appreciate every time spent together. Memories of both bad and good are the things that will walk with us in future. How we think and act, will be based on our past experience. Hopefully, the decisions we make are wise ones, we always fear to make decisions because it may lead to the wrong path. Its okay, the most important thing is that, you know what went wrong, and you want to change. Don't let things bring you down or make you depressed. Be free!! Don't let your past bring you down. But instead make you stronger :) 

You should be happy that you had a chance to experience certain obstacles in life because with that you can have better decision making skills. 

AS is was saying... Hahahaha!! I keep going too far :p PATIENCE BRO   XD

The person who sits there, slowly I found that I don't understand him or can't even talk to him. If he doesn't like me to be involve in church then tell me, not scold me. I truly thank God for changing him but now it seems like no one can talk to him or make him move except God. Even for me to come back, I felt like it was a mistake, because every time I come back it seems like he's not happy. Even this trip back, I regretted that I came back. I don't get it, If I come back, I get scolding, I don't come back, I also get scolding. Some times, he doesn't know that I avoided many things so that I could please him. When I was younger, he use to say that I'm very anti-social because I don't talk or mix around with people, Now when i'm starting to mix around and talk, He complains that I'm very noisy and I'm too playful, I'm just laughing, that indicates me being playful?? Am I suppose to be that sour person like last time? I know I can't blame him but some times, the way he scolds my brothers, I really pity them.One of them even say "I think he hates me, why is it that anything happens he would blame me?" As the only girl, even though I'm always safe, but that's the sad part, they COMPARE. Which is some thing I always pray that those words would never come out. I never mean to be like that, I alose always help them. I get it when people are angry, unwanted words will be out, I never blame my brothers, The love me more than I could imagine. I life, we do face different problems but I can say that I thank God that it was I who went through not them. I would rather my brothers stay at home under my parents not me. But then, who knows right ;)

I'm really sad that my dad keeps question me about my trip back. I feel like "Am I gonna commit a crime or something wrong?" After Mondays lecturer, I knew he wasn't happy that I didn't bring my books back but how am I suppose to bring so many things back, and he's not fetching me or friends fetching me, I have to go to central myself and walk myself and then wait for taxi and then go back to my house, still got STAIRS. I never told him that I've been thinking about when to go back and how to go back, just that I never tell him because his mind was never there. And also because my brothers keep complaining that because I wasn't there, they can't do many things, other than movie. So I came back to give them a break. I know my brothers never shop for quite some time and they seriously need new clothes. So I saw this shop which had sale and told my brothers and mom to go in, they have sale for both men and ladies. I could see the joy in their face, and I don't mind doing it again. But the waiting..... Haha!! That's the only problem. 

I've never treated kampar as a hide out place. If I did, I would have only spent a day or two in kajang and then leave. If he thinks I come back only for fun. to find my friends only, I really got nothing to say. I keep telling him my reason, he just had to tell me "I don't know, ask yourself" I thought of keeping quiet and being back the person I was last time, but honestly I didn't like the previous me. I was always in my room, behind my parents, can't go out with my friends for lunch even if its few steps away from my school, and only talk to those who I know for a long time. And Is it wrong to want to make your road with God better? I find that I have to do it myself, cause no one would help me. My relationship with God is between me and God, I've wasted my time when I was in Kajang because they say it always none of my business or no one asked me to go, that's why I never went. I think I'm already very far from others, I need to catch up with God. I like kampar because I'm able to do things for God and myself. I can go out and share with people and fellowship with my friends because we who are far, needs christian friends to help one another, even Yvette agrees with me BUT I also know that I must study and control myself. I never forget about it before. 

I"m going back early coz he doesn't want me to stay so long, I don't know, now he's asking me to stay but sorry to say, I already told the sketch team that I'm coming back to help. And I really wanted to attend the COUNSELLING class, but because he doesn't want me to go, So I have no other reasons to stay while he keeps asking me. 

Kampar I'm coming back :'( I don't want you!! I go back, its a land of suffering and sadness, there's nothing like home. At least I had BBQ with my friends and I REALLY enjoyed it. 

Christina!!! Happy Belated Belated Birthday :)
Partner ;)

Yea, That's about everything, though the trip was bad, but there are many other happy and memorable events :) Thank you Aunty Rac and Uncle Dan for having us over last night, we were like little noisy monkeys. I HAD FUN!!! Thank God :)

Rejoice even though you're going through a rough time. Thank God for it. And I think I had two new reader ;) Naughty ah!! :p Hahaha!! Bye, See you guys in December!!

~~ God Bless ~~

~~ Loves from Me ~~