Church #3

Degree!!! Hahaha!! I further my studies in a very small town call Kampar in a district of Perak. I took Bachelor of Finance. I thought is was easy, at least I loved that subject when I was in foundation and I scored 'A'. God lead me to Kampar, not knowing where, my mom brought me and my brother down to get a room and settle me down. God send great people to bring me along. I was alone and all but yea, I have a pair of feet and mouth. Eventually I got lost in such a BIG uni, AT FIRST. Now it looks small :p

3. God never fails to use me,show me, and love me.

In my first year, God showed the kind of friends I had that I had to choose between having my own life and hurting myself. Well my friends did not treat me as friends when they met new friends who they can have more fun with and I'm a 'CHRISTIAN GIRL' with boundaries. I was really hurt but then I learn to step up for myself and if they want to talk to me I will, why want to be calculative, keeping all the hurts and anguish when I can be happy.

Just Deriss

That's when I met deriss, my dad would ask me to stay away from her because she's independent, well I can't be like her. But her faith is what I look up to. She taught me to do things that people wont do, just to bless them. She was the first who shared with me her life experience and her spiritual life. As years past, she taught me about faith, perseverance, boldness and discipline. What she has done for me, I can never repay her. She taught me to have fun but at the same time, study is still priority. This is also when I met Genesis again. Well, we're closer than before. We walked away from church for the same reason and we meet again. She was more like an elder sister. She's strict and she knows what's one and what's 2. She never lets her heart take over for decisions. Her mind is the one that does it all. She's really a woman of God. She has this funny way of laughing that cracks people up even when she's seriously acting, people will just laugh. hehe Just love her the way she is :) Then came Lydia. After Deriss left, Lydia and I was more like talking buddies, we spent time talking about our problems and how God would mould us, what we should do. And at the same time, we were close to Ziyin. 3 of us shared what we had inside us for our church, we believe that as we humble ourselves in seeking Him, getting our hearts right, He will do the bringing of people. 

Lydia Koren aka Lily

Though the number is few, but He brings the right people in. I remember how we would talk about how studies are and yet here we are in church. How did we manage to juggle things and all. Despite our bad results, but then we still look to God and ask Him to change us. Its not about our time spent in church more to our time management. Lydia would call me out for a drink and we would go to the basketball court and we'll talk as we lie down and look at the stars. This is how I know, and we all know fellowship is important in church. We bring each other up when one is down. So we also start fellowship-ping with others asking how they feel and their problems. We face a lot of problems mostly like how people would see us as a church that is small in size. To us number was never the problem because it never crossed into our mind. We were normal as others, we eat the same food as others, we learn the same things as other, we go to the same uni as others, maybe because we didn't go to the same church as them. I don't know. Well, Zi Yin, she's like another elder sister to me. Her advice are always to wise. Though she may look fierce but once I got to know her, she was nothing about anger or getting back at others, in fact the always solve problem without hurting once feeling though the other party would.

Ziyin jie jie and Chia Ming ;)
He look so cool face to face (true story)

 Lets just put it as, she's has gone through great things in life that has made her wise in the words that she say. She's the elder sister in our church because when we get bullied she will stand up for us. She will say the truth and its because she knows the truth. Unless is she's wrong, then she will listen. I regretted I never got to know her earlier. She taught lai ping and I subjects that we can't cope. Yeap, we study in church :) We exchange knowledge. She use to tell me about how I was too soft and how I need to speak up, well she was right, she knew my problem but i never got the guts to change. The relationship she has with her boyfriend is so God driven. They keep each others up in God's word and never fails to encourage one another. And you can see that their relationship is mature and not childish. Something I would look up to :) Just can't wait to see them in future. I know Lai ping would. And who is this person name Lai Ping?? hehe I met her in a christmas drama, and she was sooooo cute back then, she acted as an angel. Not that she's not cute now, she a very very very very very funny person. She can make the whole church laugh. After 12am she'll go crazy, its her having her sugar rush time. She is one person who I really sayang, other than Nathan and J-vyn ;) She has this heart for God and she was so crushed when I first met her. She's the only christian in her family. She tries her best to fulfil the needs in her home by taking responsibilities like taking care of her brothers and sister. Who she is today is how she was brought up since young. She's the mom in our church. She cleans and cleans and nags and nags all she wants until its done. haha!! But we love her for who she is, we need people like her to kick butts that are not responsible and to light up the atmosphere in church. Well, to me she and Nathan did a great job in creating atmosphere. They are actually of the same age but very different in mind, they practically go against each other in a funny way.

Lai Ping aka Horlick Ping aka Mom

Nathan on the other hand is an island boy who has gone through a lot in life as well. Other than that, he's a fun guy. He knows when to have fun and when to study. I admire his knowledge in music as he help us during worship practise, like songs arrangements, because we are confused about it, plus we song leaders dont know chords and beats. hahaha!! We know beats but not in a music way. So yea, he teaches us that. Plus for a guy his age, when it comes to relationship, he is gooood and mature. hehe, i think its because of this previous or maybe he has sisters. So yea. Its good that we have other guys in church because he have so much girls, gotta balance them up. He helps J-vyn in seeing things differently plus they come from the same hometown, Penang. And they are guys who watch animes and plays computer games, I'm sure they'll get along. Why do I sayang him so much because he has this cute baby face and a very funny english ascent. Yea, I really wish the best for him in life and his road with Jesus. I'm just amazed to how much he knows in terms of studies and how he love reading books like even medicine and goodness those books are CRAZILY THICK~~ Thicker than my finance textbooks. 

And J-vyn........... Hmmmmmm...... That's just J-vyn, He's so neutral and quiet. He's not shy but quiet. He just doesn't know when to speak and when to tell how he feels. He's just J-vyn. hehe. He's another person who I really love to talk to, though its hard but praise God he changed a lot from the first day he came. He's pretty cute when he dont know how to answer lai ping's demanding question, and we sometimes would wanna choke him just waiting for his answer. It takes him mins and mins and mins. But we're used to it, its part of us now. To people outside, we might look like we're forcing him but we're teaching him to make decision and think about the future. He really has no idea about his life. Like I say, Thats so J-vyn.   

Nate aka chatter box :p

J-vyn: The mysterious quiet boy
 who's growing

I wouldn't trade anything for these people. and not forgetting pastor elijah, pastor angela, wing yin, Theo (he's not chinese ;) I thought he was a chinese too and he's a pastor too ) and Jannel 

Church #2

 After National Service, I went to UTAR to further my studies. And it was a new path for me, being away from home again. I think God is trying to build me stronger because i can never stay away from my family, I'm hopeless with out them. They are where I always hide my face and everything, cause they are there to protect me. Well, that's wrong. Though my parents would allow me to go into the "wild" but God used assignments and friends to change my attitude. 

2. He never let you go through things you can't bear and He will bring people who are around you to guide you.

Who says non-christians can't help you?? We can't judge people because they are different from you. My foundation friends are someone who knows and respect me as a christian. They will not disturb me when I'm reading the bible in fact they will remind me. I'm a person who will not speak up for myself and will try my best to stay out of responsibility. But my friend taught me to speak up and lead. Some how, they will help me to translate in chinese to my group members. They even told me that after this, I had to do it myself. They thought me to laugh when its time to laugh, study when its time to study and play when its time to. They changed my quietness to an open person, who's willing to help people, because they helped me. I know how one person's help can change people, so I decided to help others and not forgetting God. I also learn that in my hard times when my friends can no longer help me, its out of their abilities, God showed me, He will not let me go through things that I can't bear when I was reading the bible. I went to the balcony and cried out of option and stress, at that time my dad called, he told me that he and my brother will help to finish my assignment for Mass Communication (due date, next morning) when my group member bailed out just because they don't know english and they had no idea what to do. I finished it within few hours. My dad and brother slept and they told me, the rest I had to finish it up myself. I learn to strive for things I had to do, and even when I strive, I can never forget those who helped me, my family. 

Another thing I learn about a person is ORIGINALITY. Its not that I'm an emotional person, but some how God just reminds me of who I am. In many of my presentation (public speaking, mass comm and english) God challenged me to be thankful for where I came from, to share what He has done in my life. Even if we shared tears while sharing, but the message through the presentation will hit people's mind. Because all the tutors or audience wants its something close to their heart, something they can relate to. Even if we try to talk about something we don't know, we can never make them understand. Unless we simplify things. Simple things can give greater impact than bombastic lighting, slideshow or outfit. Be you and share. 

The last thing I learn till the end of my foundation studies is starting your day with God, makes your day better. Even though you might go through a lot within 7am to 8pm but you'll find that, you have the strength to go through and while waiting and striving for the day, you have time to whisper a song of praise and think about how funny if people are looking at your miserable life now, probably they'll be laughing and you'll end up smiling, I know I did. God just plans everything for you. There's always a reason why I waited for a bus for 2 hrs under the scorching sun, then take the KTM and waited for another 45min. All these, builds character. I will always feel shy or small, going up the bus and people staring at me, but then SO WHAT, thats how I look like after travelling from uni :p I can't be all drama queen about how I look, can i?? I can but I choose not to, its not about how I look but how I present myself. hehe

Stay tuned for my last thing and the Finale of this topic ;)

Church #1

What do people normally think about church??

1. Too holy
2. Too holy
3. Too holy
       .
       .
       .
       .

This is what people outside see us. Well, for me, growing up in a Christian family, i never really knew God. Probably because my family was never on time for church, we rush to church, we can sometimes skip church if we're too tired or worst "I FORGOT ABOUT CHURCH".  Something to laugh about. As time pass, i grew up in a church with many many rules set and leaders who dont walk the way they talk. Well, dont get me wrong, I'm not here to judge. Stay with me and see how changed my thinking ;)

I was very hurt by my cell leaders the way she would tell pastor about how I wouldn't go for cell, when I was always there waiting and in the end no one turns up, and there she was telling me cell had to cancel because no one else was coming. And the "no one else" are all board members kids. They would never come and would only come when there's a birthday celebration or an outing which has got to do with FUN or SHOPPING. I know because I was made the treasurer to keep me active in church. Well, trust me it didn't, the more I was treated badly, the more it drew me away from God and church. I thought that God's people are always mean and unreasonable and I was happy because my parents did not force me to go for youth service. My youth pastor even came and question me of my absent, and I told him the truth but he didn't believe me, and thank God my dad was there he told pastor that he was the one who sents me for cell but just when he reach home, I call him to pick me up because cell cancelled. But the pastor still wouldn't believe us, until my dad's cell leader came and told the pastor that I always ended up joining his cell and he would see me coming back from cell early. The pastor has nothing to say but shook his head and walk away.

I felt so small in church, when I'm already so small in height. Just when I want to serve in church, I wasn't allowed to because of how a person measures my knowledge or "goodness" in church. Sometimes i really felt like confronting him but I realize what benefit will I get? I get to prove that I'm right? I always served with fear and feel like i was not good for those who I'm backup-ing for. There was no communication to what they want from me or how they want me to back them up for worship. But when I went for National Service, I learnt that no matter how I didn't get to learn much in church or how I was not seen in church, God never forgets me. Most people think I can't survive in camp because I'm SOOOO FRAGILE to them. Well I did, and I was challenged in terms of my relationship with God and my relationship with friend of different skin color, believes and back ground, and my family.

1. I learn how to lean on God when I was scared and He gave me words to speak. (1st year after SPM) 

Basically everyone knows some how, no matter what camps you go to there's always a ghost story. Well, everyone who knows me, knows that I'm a scary cat. When all my friends are scared of how that "thing" attacked our malay friends, they were really scared, practically most of them would go back to their god. But what really shocked me was, my christian friends, they went to the chinese temple with my other friends to get a bracelet for protection. I asked them why, but they told me in case one don't work another would work. But I can't do that tho I felt left out because they all has the same matching bracelet. Deep in me I know what I had to do, my bible knowledge teacher thought me to worship and sing praises when we are scared, evil spirits will flee in His name. So I went to bath on my own in the very quiet toilet. I begun to throw my pride (because I'm scared to sing cause i might make ppl angry or ppl thinks i'm a freak) and sing, louder and louder. Then some how I forgot about every fear I had and continue washing that huge toilet (dorm toilet for more than 20 people) all alone. Then I walked in my dorm, finding my chinese friends sitting together one side. So I went to my bed, hanged my towel and clean my bed, suddenly one girl asked me a question. "Were you in the toilet all alone? Why didn't you ask us to go with you? Aren't you afraid? I realize you were singing, why?" 

I honestly told them, No doubt I was scared but I was told not to be afraid cause the on in me is greater than the one of the world. And me singing is giving praise to God and satan doesn't like it, so he will flee and the fear in me was no longer there. They asked me to pray for them, and I did. Not long after than I took my bible and read it outside my dorm, cause it was too noisy, some how it caught my dorm leader's eye and she was a muslim, strong one, she's in fact the assistant leader for her muslim thing. She questioned me many things and I refrained and still stand to what I believe. I now know what it means by, people will tell you things to entice you or even threaten you. But then she also walked away. She was trying her very best to convert me because I was her good friend back then. Until the end she also tried to ask me to wear their 'tudung' but I told her, "just as I respect you, I hope you will respect me". She also said, who knows one day you will be one of us, i didn't know where did i found such courage and boldness to tell her "I know my God and I know and saw things that He had done. So I will not change or give up on being a christian". Wow!! I felt like my heart was about to come out!! It was soooo fun sticking up for God. I was so proud to be a christian. And how I got through NS and got through all my different kinds of fear, only God knows. 

I also learned that no matter how, my family is always there for me. My friends might not appreciate me and takes me for granted but my family would always care and never leave me. Friends do come and go, I will treat them as my friend but if they don't, that's their problem, not mine. Its their lost. I did my best to show love and care when they needed a friend or when they don't. I have other friends who appreciates me more.

I'll continue the next thing I learned, so read on :)

    

Coming back

HI!!

I'm back. Its been months and months of not posting. Well its been a hard time starting to write again because i will have to really express how i feel. I've been closing my blog because:

 1. I was not free
 2. Had to settle some personal problems
 3. Went for camp
 4. Went to talk to pastor


This is what I learnt, you can never be too mature or too smart. Sometimes its just hard if two people are on a different page or channel. Maybe the opposite to attract each other instead of people of the same kind. At times we restrict ourselves from telling the truth because we care about how other feel. Look at things this way. If you never tell the truth, they will always be kept under a "lie". Which is bad??

The truth may hurt, but "the truth shall set you free". Whether or not the person will accept what you say, i realize its not your responsibility. How the person reacts to in and if the person restrains from your friendship, don't feel bad. All you can do is tell the truth, what happens after that its their responsibility. Action that they take is their choice not yours. Unless if we force them, and that's wrong.

We can't make decisions for people or make them make decisions on the spot. Different people take their own time to realize things. Well, it took me 22 years, to figure out my problem. Its hard to know the truth but whether you want to change or stay that way because you're so sad and depressed of your situation is up to you.

I thank God that He never fails to call me back. He never fails to remind me of him. They always say, if you love someone, you wont do anything to hurt him or her. Well, the love that God has for me, I can never repay him. He has been watching me when i'm down, sad, depressed, blur, negative and even happy. I put the right friends around me to wake me up. I thank God for COP (church of praise, Kampar, Tronoh and Ipoh). And i love them so much. Wouldn't trade them for other thing ;)

~~ God Bless ~~

~~ Loves from Me ~~