Church #2

 After National Service, I went to UTAR to further my studies. And it was a new path for me, being away from home again. I think God is trying to build me stronger because i can never stay away from my family, I'm hopeless with out them. They are where I always hide my face and everything, cause they are there to protect me. Well, that's wrong. Though my parents would allow me to go into the "wild" but God used assignments and friends to change my attitude. 

2. He never let you go through things you can't bear and He will bring people who are around you to guide you.

Who says non-christians can't help you?? We can't judge people because they are different from you. My foundation friends are someone who knows and respect me as a christian. They will not disturb me when I'm reading the bible in fact they will remind me. I'm a person who will not speak up for myself and will try my best to stay out of responsibility. But my friend taught me to speak up and lead. Some how, they will help me to translate in chinese to my group members. They even told me that after this, I had to do it myself. They thought me to laugh when its time to laugh, study when its time to study and play when its time to. They changed my quietness to an open person, who's willing to help people, because they helped me. I know how one person's help can change people, so I decided to help others and not forgetting God. I also learn that in my hard times when my friends can no longer help me, its out of their abilities, God showed me, He will not let me go through things that I can't bear when I was reading the bible. I went to the balcony and cried out of option and stress, at that time my dad called, he told me that he and my brother will help to finish my assignment for Mass Communication (due date, next morning) when my group member bailed out just because they don't know english and they had no idea what to do. I finished it within few hours. My dad and brother slept and they told me, the rest I had to finish it up myself. I learn to strive for things I had to do, and even when I strive, I can never forget those who helped me, my family. 

Another thing I learn about a person is ORIGINALITY. Its not that I'm an emotional person, but some how God just reminds me of who I am. In many of my presentation (public speaking, mass comm and english) God challenged me to be thankful for where I came from, to share what He has done in my life. Even if we shared tears while sharing, but the message through the presentation will hit people's mind. Because all the tutors or audience wants its something close to their heart, something they can relate to. Even if we try to talk about something we don't know, we can never make them understand. Unless we simplify things. Simple things can give greater impact than bombastic lighting, slideshow or outfit. Be you and share. 

The last thing I learn till the end of my foundation studies is starting your day with God, makes your day better. Even though you might go through a lot within 7am to 8pm but you'll find that, you have the strength to go through and while waiting and striving for the day, you have time to whisper a song of praise and think about how funny if people are looking at your miserable life now, probably they'll be laughing and you'll end up smiling, I know I did. God just plans everything for you. There's always a reason why I waited for a bus for 2 hrs under the scorching sun, then take the KTM and waited for another 45min. All these, builds character. I will always feel shy or small, going up the bus and people staring at me, but then SO WHAT, thats how I look like after travelling from uni :p I can't be all drama queen about how I look, can i?? I can but I choose not to, its not about how I look but how I present myself. hehe

Stay tuned for my last thing and the Finale of this topic ;)

Church #1

What do people normally think about church??

1. Too holy
2. Too holy
3. Too holy
       .
       .
       .
       .

This is what people outside see us. Well, for me, growing up in a Christian family, i never really knew God. Probably because my family was never on time for church, we rush to church, we can sometimes skip church if we're too tired or worst "I FORGOT ABOUT CHURCH".  Something to laugh about. As time pass, i grew up in a church with many many rules set and leaders who dont walk the way they talk. Well, dont get me wrong, I'm not here to judge. Stay with me and see how changed my thinking ;)

I was very hurt by my cell leaders the way she would tell pastor about how I wouldn't go for cell, when I was always there waiting and in the end no one turns up, and there she was telling me cell had to cancel because no one else was coming. And the "no one else" are all board members kids. They would never come and would only come when there's a birthday celebration or an outing which has got to do with FUN or SHOPPING. I know because I was made the treasurer to keep me active in church. Well, trust me it didn't, the more I was treated badly, the more it drew me away from God and church. I thought that God's people are always mean and unreasonable and I was happy because my parents did not force me to go for youth service. My youth pastor even came and question me of my absent, and I told him the truth but he didn't believe me, and thank God my dad was there he told pastor that he was the one who sents me for cell but just when he reach home, I call him to pick me up because cell cancelled. But the pastor still wouldn't believe us, until my dad's cell leader came and told the pastor that I always ended up joining his cell and he would see me coming back from cell early. The pastor has nothing to say but shook his head and walk away.

I felt so small in church, when I'm already so small in height. Just when I want to serve in church, I wasn't allowed to because of how a person measures my knowledge or "goodness" in church. Sometimes i really felt like confronting him but I realize what benefit will I get? I get to prove that I'm right? I always served with fear and feel like i was not good for those who I'm backup-ing for. There was no communication to what they want from me or how they want me to back them up for worship. But when I went for National Service, I learnt that no matter how I didn't get to learn much in church or how I was not seen in church, God never forgets me. Most people think I can't survive in camp because I'm SOOOO FRAGILE to them. Well I did, and I was challenged in terms of my relationship with God and my relationship with friend of different skin color, believes and back ground, and my family.

1. I learn how to lean on God when I was scared and He gave me words to speak. (1st year after SPM) 

Basically everyone knows some how, no matter what camps you go to there's always a ghost story. Well, everyone who knows me, knows that I'm a scary cat. When all my friends are scared of how that "thing" attacked our malay friends, they were really scared, practically most of them would go back to their god. But what really shocked me was, my christian friends, they went to the chinese temple with my other friends to get a bracelet for protection. I asked them why, but they told me in case one don't work another would work. But I can't do that tho I felt left out because they all has the same matching bracelet. Deep in me I know what I had to do, my bible knowledge teacher thought me to worship and sing praises when we are scared, evil spirits will flee in His name. So I went to bath on my own in the very quiet toilet. I begun to throw my pride (because I'm scared to sing cause i might make ppl angry or ppl thinks i'm a freak) and sing, louder and louder. Then some how I forgot about every fear I had and continue washing that huge toilet (dorm toilet for more than 20 people) all alone. Then I walked in my dorm, finding my chinese friends sitting together one side. So I went to my bed, hanged my towel and clean my bed, suddenly one girl asked me a question. "Were you in the toilet all alone? Why didn't you ask us to go with you? Aren't you afraid? I realize you were singing, why?" 

I honestly told them, No doubt I was scared but I was told not to be afraid cause the on in me is greater than the one of the world. And me singing is giving praise to God and satan doesn't like it, so he will flee and the fear in me was no longer there. They asked me to pray for them, and I did. Not long after than I took my bible and read it outside my dorm, cause it was too noisy, some how it caught my dorm leader's eye and she was a muslim, strong one, she's in fact the assistant leader for her muslim thing. She questioned me many things and I refrained and still stand to what I believe. I now know what it means by, people will tell you things to entice you or even threaten you. But then she also walked away. She was trying her very best to convert me because I was her good friend back then. Until the end she also tried to ask me to wear their 'tudung' but I told her, "just as I respect you, I hope you will respect me". She also said, who knows one day you will be one of us, i didn't know where did i found such courage and boldness to tell her "I know my God and I know and saw things that He had done. So I will not change or give up on being a christian". Wow!! I felt like my heart was about to come out!! It was soooo fun sticking up for God. I was so proud to be a christian. And how I got through NS and got through all my different kinds of fear, only God knows. 

I also learned that no matter how, my family is always there for me. My friends might not appreciate me and takes me for granted but my family would always care and never leave me. Friends do come and go, I will treat them as my friend but if they don't, that's their problem, not mine. Its their lost. I did my best to show love and care when they needed a friend or when they don't. I have other friends who appreciates me more.

I'll continue the next thing I learned, so read on :)

    

Coming back

HI!!

I'm back. Its been months and months of not posting. Well its been a hard time starting to write again because i will have to really express how i feel. I've been closing my blog because:

 1. I was not free
 2. Had to settle some personal problems
 3. Went for camp
 4. Went to talk to pastor


This is what I learnt, you can never be too mature or too smart. Sometimes its just hard if two people are on a different page or channel. Maybe the opposite to attract each other instead of people of the same kind. At times we restrict ourselves from telling the truth because we care about how other feel. Look at things this way. If you never tell the truth, they will always be kept under a "lie". Which is bad??

The truth may hurt, but "the truth shall set you free". Whether or not the person will accept what you say, i realize its not your responsibility. How the person reacts to in and if the person restrains from your friendship, don't feel bad. All you can do is tell the truth, what happens after that its their responsibility. Action that they take is their choice not yours. Unless if we force them, and that's wrong.

We can't make decisions for people or make them make decisions on the spot. Different people take their own time to realize things. Well, it took me 22 years, to figure out my problem. Its hard to know the truth but whether you want to change or stay that way because you're so sad and depressed of your situation is up to you.

I thank God that He never fails to call me back. He never fails to remind me of him. They always say, if you love someone, you wont do anything to hurt him or her. Well, the love that God has for me, I can never repay him. He has been watching me when i'm down, sad, depressed, blur, negative and even happy. I put the right friends around me to wake me up. I thank God for COP (church of praise, Kampar, Tronoh and Ipoh). And i love them so much. Wouldn't trade them for other thing ;)

~~ God Bless ~~

~~ Loves from Me ~~

STUDY!!!

I'm seriously BORED!! 

No Wi-Fi is already that bad, STUDIES?? 

So i decided to entertain myself for the first time. I know its stupid but, I can at least

laugh at how stupid I look :p And its too paiseh to put this up on Instagram,

UGLY!! My brothers would puke and send me warning letter XD

 Here at least no one sees :p Hopefully..

The minute it reaches 12am

I actually learnt this from my dear friend Deriss. Hahahaha!! Yeap! I always see her posting pictures on Wechat, so i asked her, she say got nothing to do so she entertained herself.

Plus no one sees it at this time, so who cares XD 

I really hate accounts but I think i'm starting to love it. I guess :p

I guess my new room is very good, in the sense that I don't get to see sun or light. The source of light comes from the florescent light in my room :( How sad. I don't even know if its morning or night, HAVE to look at my phone. Its cooling tho, natural air and the funniest part is my window is 

actually an air way, how can wind travel downwards? Science ;) 

 

Took me 1 hr plus just to sign documents for checkout. 

Thank God I packed everything two days earlier and woke up at 730 to bring everything downstairs. Well, Thanks to Lai Ping and also Deriss' "friend" (Mr. Volkswagen) who helped. 

Was so scared that I scratched that car, but he was very funny!! Before he came in and carried this heavy bag full of books he asked " Got anyone ah? Like girls cause don't want to be awkward"

I mean, who in Kampar would every say that?!?! 

If there is, they wouldn't just walk in my house like its none of their business and not even shy about it (FYI, my house is only for girls). I respect him alot, uncle XD  

My pity little window :p
Someone climbed down once and broke in. Hopefully not this time 

I gotta say, Manchester houses are like houses that are ready to be taken down. Its the first to be built, which means 10yrs of its "loyal" existence. Even my bed frame has to be replaced. 

But this uncles said that

 "it just need a plank wood. You wont fall. And about the fan, it wont hit you, so don't worry. Oh your drawer, see ahhh BAAMM, can close already what, just all 3 can't come at the same time. Your wall crack ah, let me paint a bit, you won't even realize its there" 

DANISH HOUSE AHHH!!! I'm paying for all these lazy services?? Seriously, he just clammed my drawer and still cannot close. That paint, cause me to sneeze for hours 

cause it smelled like expired paint + droppings 

and i'm sleeping next to it.

Oh well, out of words. Mind becoming slow. I'm actually hungry :( But Milo shall keep me awake despite its sugar level (contributes to fat) cause I tried Coffee (to stay awake at deriss' place for assignment) and I suffered the whole night.

People have after effect right after they drink but mine is after 6hrs. How slow can my stomach be?

Maybe its because I mixed two kinds of coffee together, pure black coffee (tasted worst than chinese herbs) and Genesis' 3 in one white coffee. 

I might follow my elder brother's way of studying when its 28th, drinking 3 cans of coffee a day to stay awake, cause i'm having back to back papers :( The sad part is mom ask  me to follow,

 I'll follow but do it my way ;) Not that stupid.Have you met My best friend??

 He's called SLEEP.

I'll be super hyper without sleep. Ask Deriss and Gen, they experienced it and was also enjoying it

because I was talking nonsense :p

Good night or should I say good morning :)

~~ God Bless ~~

~~ Loves from Me ~~

He’s working on your behalf

Today’s scripture:

“We know that God will work all things together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose”

(Romans 8:28)

Today’s Word:

God is working behind the scenes in your life today. No matter what you may be facing, no matter what trial you may be going through, God has a plan to turn things around in your favour. Right now, He is working out a plan for your good. Right now, He is orchestrating the right people to come across your path. He is orchestrating the right opportunities to open up to you. You may not see it in the natural, but look with your eyes of faith today. Keep standing. Keep believing. Keep hoping. Keep following His word. Focus on His goodness in your life, knowing that He rewards the people who seek after Him. As you meditate on the faithfulness of God and how your love for Him by following His word, you will see His plan come to pass. You’ll experience His peace and joy, and you will live in victory all the days of your life.

A prayer for today:

Heavenly Father, Thank You for Your faithfulness in my life. I trust that You are working behind the scenes on my behalf. Give me your strength and peace today and peace today and fill me with Your faith to overcome. In Jesus’ Name. Amen

~~ God Bless ~~

~~ Loves from Me ~~

Power of waiting

Waiting, is really something great, you can always see how God move and do things. Every time when I'm tired of waiting and people hurting me, I even ask God back, how to love your enemy. Every week during service, God speaks to me, and its always about His commandment, To love your enemies as yourself. Because Love is all about giving and sacrificing. I had always been waiting for frenemy, waiting for the right time because these few weeks what I say was again nothing to her because she had a new friend who she say is very rational and understands her bf , well the outcome  of waiting was this. 

I found that it wasn't because of me that frenemy was together with her bf because I expected her bf to be rational and then she spilled it out when they had a bigger problem. She kinda forced him to give them a chance, actually, giving her a chance to show that she changed. Cut the story short, THEY BROKE UP FOR GOOD!! Yes, less problem for me. I don't understand why, people with love problems come to me, when I know nothing about love. Then when she broke up, I manage to really talk to her as a friend, telling her what she did wrong because she always thought she was right. And I told her what love is. Some how it came out. Hahaha!! That I give credits to JESUS. He was there to guide me as I talk, giving me the right words to speak. And another shocking news was, GOD SPOKE TO HER THIS MORNING!!! *jumping with great joy* 

She might not accept Him right away, but the fact that in times like that God spoke to her and it opened her heart that she was able to let her ex go, because God told her why her bf wants to break up. Well, AMAZING RIGHT?? Last night when i was doing my TAWG, God said, In your weakest point is where I'll gently come. So this is what it means :))))))))))) 

Really thank God that something good like God speaking to her is happening. I really want good things to happen to my friend. Seeing them happy makes me happy too. What I experience and is good, I would want to share it with my friends. 

YOU CAN ALSO MAKE A DIFFERENCE EVEN IF ITS JUST ONE PERSON. CAUSE WHEN ONE PERSON ACCEPT CHRIST AS THEIRS PERSONAL LIFE SAVIOUR, THE WHOLE OF HEAVENS WILL REJOICE. 

ONE SOUL CAN MAKE LOT OF DIFFERENCE. 

You don't have to worry about your status, image or what ever or losing out. God will redeem back your lost, and He will bless you abundantly ONLY if you ABIDE in HIM and HE will ABIDE in you. Learn to seek Ye first.

Fitting in

Shutting of certain mindset for the goodness of others

Its actually not easy to fit into an unfamiliar environment. Having a new roommate is like staying in a new country. Everything starts new. And being in a double room, one of us have to tolerate. I'm not saying I'm doing all the tolerating but I got to a point where I really couldn't stand my roommate. One word to describe her "GAMER".

hahaha!! Not her but yea :p

I can accept people who plays lots of games BUT someone who doesn't sleep the whole night is what I can't stand. For months i tried to move to places to stay away from her but I realize I can't but I have to face her. So after my plans of shifting was approved by my parents, I came back on Monday night and I was really very tired. After cleaning the room, washing clothes and doing some work I slept, until the clock hit 2am. Not forgetting I have 8am class to attend. It was so hot because my place was far away from the fan and the light shines directly to my face. So i got up in anger wanting to scold her because it has been like that for half a year, I have sleepless night every day and sometimes I can't sleep, I can't wake up for my classes because WE sleep at 6am in the MORNING. 

She wears something like that. Such a pro ;)
Sometimes I even thought she talks to her self

There I was in Uni for the whole day, always hoping that when I'm back I could find peace and rest but instead the sound of the gamer is always there. I'm okay if she don't sleep for few nights but THIS is really too much. Even studying beside her is a problem. I even shifted my table to be allow me to study properly and tried sleeping the other way, but I still can't. I'm a light sleeper but I can still accept lights or even slight noise. But if you're staying up because of GAMES and you don't sleep, YOU HAVE A SERIOUS PROBLEM. 

Let me ask you, How do you deal with people who don't talk, but only stares at the computer. He or she only move their butts when they bathe, eat or walk to the toilet and goes to Uni. In other words, like a robot. And you have to make decision about the room because you have a leakage in your room? Is it hard? Or is it my problem? I'm okay with talking but it feels like there's a communication break down. I gave up talking to her last semester, I really tried my best to know her so that we can stay HARMONIOUSLY. HAHAHAHA!! IMPOSSIBLE~~ 

Anyway, I decided not to shift but to change my way of perception. Since I can't change her ways of sleeping,  So i change myself. After everything, i realize that i am able to shut myself from realizing that she's there and even push myself to sleep under that "sun-like" florescent light. I don't know if its a good thing to be ignorant about her but i can't care much, since its out of my control. This whole week, my devotion was basically based on trusting in the Lord and loving others. So trusting in the Lord i did and I found the assurance of no need to shift :) HURRAH!!! She heard that I'm shifting but who cares :p I'm happy with where I am actually. 

Sometimes people and certain environment wants to kick you out but stop, be calm and pray. Ask God if its His will. You don't want to be doing things out of His will. This whole week was very busy indeed cause I had midterms and I have to discuss with my dad and deriss about things and its tiring me out and today I have another assignment to do :'(  I had too many things to worry about and guess what? Check my next post :p See yea ;)

~~ God Bless ~~

~~ Loves from Me ~~