Friday, 29 March 2013
Power of waiting
Waiting, is really something great, you can always see how God move and do things. Every time when I'm tired of waiting and people hurting me, I even ask God back, how to love your enemy. Every week during service, God speaks to me, and its always about His commandment, To love your enemies as yourself. Because Love is all about giving and sacrificing. I had always been waiting for frenemy, waiting for the right time because these few weeks what I say was again nothing to her because she had a new friend who she say is very rational and understands her bf , well the outcome of waiting was this.
I found that it wasn't because of me that frenemy was together with her bf because I expected her bf to be rational and then she spilled it out when they had a bigger problem. She kinda forced him to give them a chance, actually, giving her a chance to show that she changed. Cut the story short, THEY BROKE UP FOR GOOD!! Yes, less problem for me. I don't understand why, people with love problems come to me, when I know nothing about love. Then when she broke up, I manage to really talk to her as a friend, telling her what she did wrong because she always thought she was right. And I told her what love is. Some how it came out. Hahaha!! That I give credits to JESUS. He was there to guide me as I talk, giving me the right words to speak. And another shocking news was, GOD SPOKE TO HER THIS MORNING!!! *jumping with great joy*
She might not accept Him right away, but the fact that in times like that God spoke to her and it opened her heart that she was able to let her ex go, because God told her why her bf wants to break up. Well, AMAZING RIGHT?? Last night when i was doing my TAWG, God said, In your weakest point is where I'll gently come. So this is what it means :)))))))))))
Really thank God that something good like God speaking to her is happening. I really want good things to happen to my friend. Seeing them happy makes me happy too. What I experience and is good, I would want to share it with my friends.
YOU CAN ALSO MAKE A DIFFERENCE EVEN IF ITS JUST ONE PERSON. CAUSE WHEN ONE PERSON ACCEPT CHRIST AS THEIRS PERSONAL LIFE SAVIOUR, THE WHOLE OF HEAVENS WILL REJOICE.
ONE SOUL CAN MAKE LOT OF DIFFERENCE.
You don't have to worry about your status, image or what ever or losing out. God will redeem back your lost, and He will bless you abundantly ONLY if you ABIDE in HIM and HE will ABIDE in you. Learn to seek Ye first.
Fitting in
Shutting of certain mindset for the goodness of others
Its actually not easy to fit into an unfamiliar environment. Having a new roommate is like staying in a new country. Everything starts new. And being in a double room, one of us have to tolerate. I'm not saying I'm doing all the tolerating but I got to a point where I really couldn't stand my roommate. One word to describe her "GAMER".
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| hahaha!! Not her but yea :p |
I can accept people who plays lots of games BUT someone who doesn't sleep the whole night is what I can't stand. For months i tried to move to places to stay away from her but I realize I can't but I have to face her. So after my plans of shifting was approved by my parents, I came back on Monday night and I was really very tired. After cleaning the room, washing clothes and doing some work I slept, until the clock hit 2am. Not forgetting I have 8am class to attend. It was so hot because my place was far away from the fan and the light shines directly to my face. So i got up in anger wanting to scold her because it has been like that for half a year, I have sleepless night every day and sometimes I can't sleep, I can't wake up for my classes because WE sleep at 6am in the MORNING.
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| She wears something like that. Such a pro ;) Sometimes I even thought she talks to her self |
There I was in Uni for the whole day, always hoping that when I'm back I could find peace and rest but instead the sound of the gamer is always there. I'm okay if she don't sleep for few nights but THIS is really too much. Even studying beside her is a problem. I even shifted my table to be allow me to study properly and tried sleeping the other way, but I still can't. I'm a light sleeper but I can still accept lights or even slight noise. But if you're staying up because of GAMES and you don't sleep, YOU HAVE A SERIOUS PROBLEM.
Let me ask you, How do you deal with people who don't talk, but only stares at the computer. He or she only move their butts when they bathe, eat or walk to the toilet and goes to Uni. In other words, like a robot. And you have to make decision about the room because you have a leakage in your room? Is it hard? Or is it my problem? I'm okay with talking but it feels like there's a communication break down. I gave up talking to her last semester, I really tried my best to know her so that we can stay HARMONIOUSLY. HAHAHAHA!! IMPOSSIBLE~~
Anyway, I decided not to shift but to change my way of perception. Since I can't change her ways of sleeping, So i change myself. After everything, i realize that i am able to shut myself from realizing that she's there and even push myself to sleep under that "sun-like" florescent light. I don't know if its a good thing to be ignorant about her but i can't care much, since its out of my control. This whole week, my devotion was basically based on trusting in the Lord and loving others. So trusting in the Lord i did and I found the assurance of no need to shift :) HURRAH!!! She heard that I'm shifting but who cares :p I'm happy with where I am actually.
Sometimes people and certain environment wants to kick you out but stop, be calm and pray. Ask God if its His will. You don't want to be doing things out of His will. This whole week was very busy indeed cause I had midterms and I have to discuss with my dad and deriss about things and its tiring me out and today I have another assignment to do :'( I had too many things to worry about and guess what? Check my next post :p See yea ;)
~~ God Bless ~~
~~ Loves from Me ~~
Saturday, 23 February 2013
STUPID THINGS YOU DO FOR A LOVE SICK FRIEND
Guess what I found?
Chocolate that has this cute words. Didn't know they have these. Well, I saw this while frenemy asked me to choose one.
She decided that she wants to give her bf a lollipop, so we went and put it in his bicycle basket.
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| The moon tonight. Its so bright. The stars showed me how long I've not been out at night. |
So after that she wanted to see if he's home, we went behind the houses and counted till 5 and there, its his room!!!
(pintai wan hor? Not me but her :p )
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| JunHou's room!! We actually tot he saw us, so we kinda ran. |
I don't like the feeling of being the middle person, "tell him this" or " tell her that". Do I look like a postman to you?! Tell yourself la. Plus i don't like her idea of "listen to be bf". Its actually, brainwashing him with her words. What's the point of giving him space when you ask US to talk to him according to what you say? Why don't I just record and sent to him la. Well, I didn't do what she say because he just needs a friend to listen to him now not scold him or brainwash him. There's a difference you know? Well instead, I told him to settle things as soon as possible, asking Eddie and I to be the middle person is just not being mature, and we can never represent them. So he say he'll call her out to talk within these few days :) Yay!! Hope for the best.
I hate Calvin so badly!! Okay maybe not hate but dislike. Well, you can continue waiting but just don't bother me enough. All your weird theory about tattoo and suicide are pure NONSENSE!! Start loving God first before coming to tell me what's love. I don't know love but I know God will teach us to love when we seek Him. And I'm just so bad at things like that, I rather no know why, cause i just feel bad cause tattooing was because of me, not committing suicide also because of me. So what am I GOD?? I don't know, he just scares me. He talks until as if no matter what, he believes I'll just be his in future as he tries.WHAT?!?!?! Please lar!! Don't use Marry and Joseph to tell me how to build a strong relationship.
See him like, "hehe hahaha" when talk about things like that, like SUPER KNOWLEDGEABLE. When I say its wrong to tattoo, then pula banyak pattern "its a cross la, got your name la, I love you la". NONSENSE!!! I wish its just a dream, this will haunt me man!! Guilt for I don't know how tattoo and suicidal has something to do with me. No wonder my brother is also scared and said "if he dies, his blood is in my hands" which also means, MY HANDS. God, how did safe a life became, like this?? I knew all these, "wanna learn about bible" and asking me questions was weird. Coz its all about me and I even told him off about sweet talking to me, coz it annoys me ALOT, that's just what guys do and they think its cool, NO WAY MAN. Its just words to me, everyone can say but they dont know me. If you think by asking me what person I like, and you'll try to be that person to impress me, I'M SO SORRY, that won't work. Because of him, I'm just stuck. How did I ever get into troubles like this?!? The more he talk, the more I'm messed up. I can tell you, I can never like this person, using expensive gifts, giving what I want, trying to be the person he's not, hot tempered and money minded person, These, I will not fall for. I DON'T KNOW!! WHATEVER!!!
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I just don't like telling him how am I or how's my day. ANYTHING ABOUT ME, i'll just skip it. I told him its annoying and I don't like people bothering me with messages or anything useless. I'm okay with people like Damon, Hansin, Choonkai, Genesis, its just normal daily, friendly talk, but him. Its just him, just wipe it out my memory will do. GOD WHY?!? I DON'T WANNA KNOW, TOO MUCH INFORMATION TO PROCESS. Its making me doubt myself. In return, he's brainwashing me instead. He just appears at the wrong time. Just get him to like someone else, and i'm happy for him. Really!! I don't know how Deriss do this but, its just hard to be friends with people who likes you like a glue and very FAN. Never ending.
Sort of told him about my long lost friend. He kinda skipped that part XD Then I just cut him off and said, that this topic ends here and now, I don't want to hear anymore and please don't find me cause its annoying. I have never been so straight in my life, its so hard to say that but I just have to la.
Sleep!! Good night :) I see the moon again, so bright and round. Note:
~~ God Bless ~~
~~ Loves from Me ~~
Tuesday, 19 February 2013
To save a life
Exchange experience
Its hard for me to help people with love issues because I have never been in one. How can I know how it feels? Yes, seeing them heart broken, breaks my heart as well, because they remind me of my brother and my heart literally sank and I begin to question God. I was there when they started and now I'm here when it ended, as I ask God, my heart was so painful because last year when I prayed for her, I remember seeing the enemy taking her friends, finance, boyfriend and even studies. Slowly it came true, I feel bad because each time I want to pop THE question, some how it feels like it not time yet, but I can't help her but pray.
Monday, I received a call and she was crying very badly on the phone, my tears came down also, not because she was crying but its because she has been through so much and I'm only there to watch. In my heart I tot of Jesus, and suddenly I heard Deriss voice saying "All she need was Jesus". So I went on watsapp and told deriss about it because I'm struggling, no matter how i try to bring it up, it just doesn't link and I have no experience in love that I could relate God in. Deriss sent me a short message then I prayed. I told God that this is way beyond my knowledge and I can't convince her, but I believe He has His ways for all these, and Asking Holy Spirit to guide me while I talk to her and its about SAVING A LIFE. The pain on my chest was there and it made me hard to breath for a while but after praying, it went away.
Just within 10 min, she replied me, but this time, at the end of the message, she say she believe in miracle and she ask if I could bring her to church. She said "Now all I need is God, I need Him to show me what to do, where to go. I'm willing to go church and find Him".
Honestly, I was shock because I don't have to open my mouth, also because she followed me to church ones but she didn't want anyone to know, and I didn't want to push her. But this time, she approach me, how can I say no right?? Its an AMEN from me and Deriss.
Seeing her life falling down bit by bit just reminds me of my life before I came back to God. And I'm glad that I can go through with her. So on Tuesday, after class, I went to her place and another guy friend came, which helped a lot because, he was really going straight to the point and I don't have to say anything. In fact when they were talking, they came to a point where it was about one party wanting to give up and ended up regretting. Instantly, I thought of something I nearly ruined years ago and then as they talk, it got related to my friend going to UK. I don't know how, but In away it spoke to me as well.
There's a reason, why I'm going through this with my long lost friend, its because I was suppose to share with my friend and her boyfriend, because they're in a very bad situation because everything happened too fast. They both didn't understand each other and one of them went off their limits. Actually I really thank God that her bf is saying be friends, coz my friend need to get back her own life first before she could worry about other thing. Not only that, I'm starting to appreciate my long lost friend even more. And I manage to share what I have with her boyfriend and I understand his feeling because, I was like him, it had never crossed my mind about what was made as a promised becomes two people's thing, not one. And for us to step back because we say its our problem and not saying it out is kind selfish.
Now I really know what it means. And I was the one who started the topic about studies and we came to a point where we say, we'll wait upon the Lord as we be friends. But in the end the one who stood by the promise is not me, but him. That time I actually felt far away from him coz probably its the distance and obviously he was more closer to other people than me because we were just starting to know each other. Partly because I couldn't see where is this thing going to and I was in my mind set of guys will always be like that, I didn't know that he was serious about it and he was more serious than me. Only then, when we talk, I realize, he's more than I've expected.
I can say, only one person who showed me that, there's a living man who is looking for a Godly healthy relationship, not simply playing around. For years, he showed the best of what God can do when you include God in a relationship. So far no one, is like him or better than him, even Gen, tho Gen is considered the good guy for us in Kampar but he's not ready yet. He needs Deriss to kick him XD Anyways, he just never fails to impress me, thank God for that. Thank God for everything. Today, everything was fully speaking to me instead. And all my previous post was part of it, all my post was part of the conversation. Its telling me distance is not a problem, it shows how strong the relationship is. Is it a confirmation for something? Who knows :p
So if you have someone special that you might want to be with in future, take your time to know each other, you have plenty of time and you're young. Live you life, while you can and share your thoughts as a form of communication. Remember, its a two way thing ;) Most importantly, commit everything to Jesus, He will help you to be ready for what's there and you'll be surprised with the wonders that He can do. He never fails to impress me by showing me what I though no longer exist, actually still does. He will also help you to. He is JESUS!
*I miss my friend :) Hope he's doing well.
~~ God Bless ~~~~ Loves from Me ~~
Tuesday, 5 February 2013
Intervention
“For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to give strong support to those whose heart is blameless toward Him” 2 Chronicles 16:9 (ESV)
I remember Shyju mathew said that:
While continuing to hope for God’s intervention, don’t become like your enemy. If the enemy slanders, you don’t go slandering back. Don’t act like how the enemy does.Soar above your situation. Don’t hurl back at the enemy what the enemy has thrown at you. You are more honorable than that. Expect God to fight your war. Guard your heart with love and humility and move on.
Waiting alone will not do, it comes along with prayer and seeking God. I dare say, I'm not consistent in praying for my friend because I often felt discourage. But the more I worry for her, the more I ask God to help her. I don't want to be selfish, even though sometimes, I ask God why is she always gaining attention about how pity she is and stuff when people don't know the actual problem. I always ask God why not let them know how she is, but God seem to always want me to stay humble, blameless and also patience. There was a point where it was too much that, I personally felt like, I lost my patience in anything. I get irritated very easily, because she's always there to complain about her life.
The beginning of this year, I realize that I would have lesser time to be with her because of our timetable and our difference in student status. Unfortunately, I didn't wanna stop talking to her and helping her with things she had been going through, I kept telling God I don't mind, even though at times I really can't stand her words. True enough, I'm now free from all these, "consultation hour" because, my friend is changing her course, she can't continue to be with me, under finance. When she message me about her application results, my heart dropped as I ask God not to play, because its not a joke. I found myself, crying and tell God not to let her go so easily because my job with her isn't done yet.
Just when I saw her, she smiled, I realized that she changed in terms of the way she handled her emotions and decision wise. She was more relieved and happier when she saw me waiting for her outside. Her smile was really a smile, I've never seen her smile like that in 3 years. I was overjoyed when she told me she had an answer, even though her application is applied, she was positive and confident in making her decision. After helping her with the letter and meeting the Dean of studies, we went and meet our favorite lecturer, Miss Teoh :) She's like a parent to us, who advises us. She is the person who God sent to speak to my friend, because as a friend, what I say might not be impactful to her, but if its someone with authority and elder in age with experience, it would make a difference.
I was very happy, that Miss Teoh mentioned about my friend's "INDIVIDUALISTIC" attitude that bothered her. She said, "you're a person who had your own thinking and wants people to follow you. If people don't talk to you, you'll say they ignore you. This is cause friendship to break because you push they to the edge. When people talk, and the topic doesn't suits you, you will keep quiet hoping that they'll change the topic. When got any problem, you want your friend to come and talk to you first or say sorry. People like this usually, I'll give 3 chances max, then I'll just leave them but Sara did not."
Honestly, I was shock and my tears came out, because someone finally knew how I felt as a friend beside her, all the times that we argued about how she blamed others and not herself and how she said i left her. I never did, and the fact that when she was wrong and she didn't want to admit she just said "okay lo, everything also I wrong okay? Okay?!" To me its a way of pushing it aside, hiding away from her mistakes. Everything I do, its because of her action and her expression that I didn't want to disturb her but leave her alone. Now, that Miss Teoh mentioned about it, my friend was able to see that this is really who she was, keeping herself closed up and if she don't like one thing, she'll never try to like it, same goes to her studies.
We had 3 meeting with our lecturer and it was such a time, that it was enough to wake her up from her mindset. I now understand when God said wait, wait for him to intervent this problem. And just when I thought, I have nothing to do for God after this friend, last night, I realize I met this junior (lai ping) of mine for a reason as well. She came to me last Thursday, and she followed me for our welcoming night, so we decided to meet up on monday (last night). That was the time, the word "spending time" was very clear to me as we were having our dinner. After awhile, we came into a serious topic about her mom who passed away and her dad. She also talked about how hurt she was that she failed all her subject during her 1st semester in degree. I was glad that her problem in her relationship, I was able to relate with her and she is really hungry for the answer.
After knowing that my house had a blackout because of the overflowing water from the water tank above Mimi's room and we all have to shift out for a night, some for a week or two. Lai pig was with me because we were talking at the lake side, so we were also talking in the dark for 2hrs until my roommate came home, because I had to go to Deriss' place to take a bath and probably sleep there, but she fell and sprained her leg so she was at the hospital, so Lai ping ask me to stay with her since she likes to listen to my stories. She's very nice and naive like a small girl. Well, I hope I can do my best to help her while I'm still here. If it wasn't because I went to FGO I wouldn't have seen her and she can't tell her problems to anyone. I think she felt that she finally found someone, a christian who she can talk to after so long, because as she talked to me, her tears was there, waiting to flow down. Thank God, my job for my friend is actually done, now its Lai ping :) Better kau tim myself before I kau tim others XD
GREAT SEM, GREAT EXPERIENCE, GREAT TO MEET NEW PEOPLE.
~~ God Bless ~~
~~ Loves from Me ~~
Sunday, 3 February 2013
DISTANCE . LOVE . GOD . WORDS . TIME
When you're away all people do is doubt
If you love someone more than anything,
Then distance only matters to the mind,
not to the heart
Distance between two hearts isn't an obstacle,
rather a beauty reminder of just how strong true love can be
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1 CORINTHIANS 13: 4 - 8
" Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered,
it keeps no records of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoice with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues,
they will be stilled; where there is knowledge,
it will pass away."
I think a healthy relationship always makes you realize what God has done all this while. Its not about how good you feel, but its just how God made it happened. Imagine without Him, this wouldn't be anything special or you'll end up having a very saddening relationship.
Erm, its not that i'm in love XD I wont say love cause I think I'm far away from love? I don't know, God knows, let time show. But its truly God's blessing that I'm who I am and the way I look at relationships or anything, this all comes from seeking the Lord and asking Him to guide you in this relationship which you had no idea of. Though I'm not in any REAL relationship but I'm happy with what I'm going through, its more like a time to know what we really see in a relationship and knowing my friend better before going into something deeper.
I think its not a must for a person to always be there because for me one special day that sums up everything will be very meaningful, like now. Because, you'll be talking about what happened, how were you and all. Its more like another time of sharing, listening and keeping up. Well, after a long time of disappearance, when you start talking to that person, you feel more... I don't know how to describe it, but its more than before, because you miss the person? :p
Now, I'm rational enough but I REALLY hope, I'm still like this in future, i'm scared that I'm just gonna be like other girls, which i feel its annoying and childish. I hope what I'm about to go through will be different enough that its gonna be a thing to be shared to all my friends :) Lord, help me to be different, cause we're called to be different.
Its actually weird how things just have to happen, to see how you actually feel about someone, right? I didn't know until... hehe!! Secret :p Really, thank God that each time I pray, there's always a way out. Like calling, If it wasn't for long lost friend who went and find some random photo to create a convo, I think, it would have been a sad birthday for someone, and I would feel bad and regret it. Honestly, I'm not a person who normally show stuffs, and its some how bad i think, people, wouldn't know how i feel or what i'm thinking. Its good that my friend initiated the convo and ask me again, or else, its gonna be harder for me to start any convo in future :)
I'm also happy that we're able to share and talk about things, so there's nothing to hide, like some people, you can't mention this person's name, or talk about this and that. This friend doesn't mind and in return, listened to me even though he can't help me, but it did, to me its like you cared about what happened and tried helping. And i like how it turned out to be something funny XD
Its those little things about this person that made me.... Hahahaha!! Just fill up those blanks yourself :p And I really like listening to stories about my friend and random jokes, doesn't have to be a good one, but since i don't know jokes, everything would be funny to me :) Out of so many years and people i know, FINALLY SOMEONE HAS THE SAME THINKING AS ME. If there's no similarities in what we think, its gonna be hard, I don't think I'll even start anything cause they won't understand what i mean. Oh well, who cares!! My friend DOES ;) Can I say that, anyone who knows this friend is very fortunate? hehe, really, not kidding :p
Oh man, I gotta stop SOON. Well, this sums up everything about last week, all that I learned and saw. Trust in the Lord and Submit your relationship to God because He wants to be involve in anything that you're in :) I'm truly blessed and happy to meet my friend, if God allows, I would want it to go further and really be my 1st and last. Good night :)
~~ God Bless ~~
~~ Loves from Me ~~
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