Should we only wait for a move of God to bring a change in our lifestyle?

1. Develop an Atmosphere of Worship

It does not have to be limited to just inside the Church. Living in an atmosphere of worship is to breathe the air of heaven. [ClickToTweet]

When was the last time our churches ignored the clock for an extended hour of worship, where we were lost loving God? When was the last time you were drowned in worship and danced before God with a child-like heart? Intentionally, make time daily to worship God with the angels who cry out, “Holy, holy, holy, is The Lord God almighty!”

2. Develop a Deep Travail for Revival

Allow me to quote Charles G. Finney. He explains it wonderfully in the lectures of revival,

“A revival may be expected when Christians have a spirit of prayer for a revival. That is, when they pray as if their hearts were set upon it.

Sometimes Christians are not engaged in definite prayer for a revival, not even when they are warm in prayer. Their minds are upon something else; they are praying for something else – the salvation of the heathen and the like – and not for a revival among themselves.

A Christian who has this spirit of prayer feels anxious for souls. It is the subject of his thoughts all the time, and makes him look and act as if he had a load on his mind. He thinks of it by day, and dreams of it by night.

This is properly ‘praying without ceasing’. His prayers seem to flow from his heart, liquid as water: “O Lord, revive Thy work.” Sometimes this feeling is very deep; persons have been bowed down so that they could neither stand nor sit.”

Question to ask yourself: What have you been thinking by day and dreaming by night?

3. Develop Revival Fellowship

The disciples met everyday. They had fellowship everyday. They studied the word of God with an unquenchable thirst, and were taught the word by the apostles.

Practically, this could be extended prayer fellowships, daily bible studies, an extra hour of church service, extended days of conferences, and so on. It’s just the pure delight of remaining in the presence of God.

What would you do today, other than the routine, to linger a little longer in the presence of God? Do that, and do that now!

Let heaven come down to earth.

I declare, believe, dream and pray that our generation will see a revival. Will you be a part of it? If so, let’s start by doing our part, by creating the Revival Lifestyle!

BY Shyju Mathew :) 

~~ God Bless ~~

~~ Loves from Me ~~

Prayer meeting

Same vision?? :p 

I'll be short :) This week was rather dull and dry because we're all so caught up with the christmas drama. Well, I started my Wednesday at 12pm :p I know, you gotta know that I ain't a morning person XD I went to get lunch with Lydia under the scorching sun but some how I didn't use my umbrella. Loved the sun for the first time, weird right. And guess what caught our attention???? Oh, another thins you have to know, I love clouds. Hehe. Its sooooooo beautiful and it looked like cotton candies :)

Didn't really look that nice when its taken. Too bad :) 

At around 3 something I accidentally captured this outside my window and I knew that its gonna be another great time tonight.

It looked like a person and Lydia told me it was a lady :) 

Then at erm, 9pm we had our prayer meeting, we came out late because of the rain but it didn't stop us from praying. Hmm, waiting is always the hardest, Malaysians are never early. Yeap, about prayer meeting guess again who came to welcome us as a family?? :D

Ewwww!! My worst nightmare, came by the gate and there was a spider, went in the church and there's roaches :( 4 of them in total. Well, being girls, we all screamed and Victor has to kill it. and the worst part was, he tried spraying air freshener at it, HOW CAN IT DIE VICTOR?? And he clogged up the toilet with tissues that he used to collect them. 

For the first time during prayer meeting I didn't know how to pray, like I was stuck while praying and I was suppose to lead. I my heart I kept asking God to lead me and I lead this prayer meeting and Sharon, she's the scariest person, she is so good at visions and this time she ask me to pray for her in my heart to see if God will show her something. Well, The reason why I didn't know how to pray was, the things that I saw didn't make sense and they are not related at all, I knew it was for her but wasn't clear about the story behind. I keep quiet about what I saw and continued praying with a weird feeling, like I had to tell what I saw but I wasn't sure about it. I saw a feet and green grasses, more like a road where God will lead that person. Another thing was colorful things just kept falling down which reminded me of God's promises and I also had this burden to pray for "purpose". My prayer was long and weird but I don't care. hehe. Half way through, I saw like a wall, brigs  I felt so uncomfortable and weird just disturbed.

After the prayer, Sharon started asking Lydia about paths, she saw the same thing as me, she saw new road and mine was fresh green paths. Then she saw rainbows while we were talking, which was the colorful things I saw, didn't know it was for who. But the brigs that I saw was for her, she saw that too. I told God to speak and show her because, I really can't , I didn't know what was I seeing, it was my first time seeing so many things for different people at the same time. She told me that she has to make certain paths in life and she has a wall that is stopping her to get to where she wants to go. :)

Cool right?? And another thing was Lydia, saw a purple cross. And then she was reminded of a lady in the Bible called lydia who opened her house for people. Acts 16:14-15 "One of those listening was a woman from the city of Thyatira named Lydia, a dealer in purple cloth. She was a worshiper of God. The Lord opened her heart to respond to Paul’s message. ¹⁵ When she and the members of her household were baptized, she invited us to her home. “If you consider me a believer in the Lord,” she said, “come and stay at my house.” And she persuaded us."

Though no one said if it was them, who the visions were talking about, I'm sure God had already spoken to them and will continue to speak to them, even me :) Just love it when there's prayer meeting, its so encouraging. Was that cloud lady, the lady in purple?? I just thought about it. God please speak to us in Your ways. Really need that. 

Choir team. They look so clean and nice in white. You should see Johnson in white!! 

US!!! The "kelefes" hahaha!!
We look really weird. More like hari raya day :p

Well, I'm done with my day. OH and Erm, I would recommend you guys to watch FIREPROOF. Its an old movie but its worth watching. Its very meaningful ;) You'll know when you watch it. And another one is TO SAVE A LIFE, a teenage  movie, you'll love it as well. It talks about how status and pride can cause you to lose a friend or a life. Have fun watching. Be different among the others, everyone is just as important and so are you. They deserve to be listen and acknowledge too :)

~~ God Bless ~~

~~ Loves from Me ~~

PAST . PRESENT . FUTURE .

I don't know what subtitle to give it cause its just inexpressible :) 

Lately, I really feel my prediction are true. Previously before we, as a family came back to God as a family, there was never peace, happiness, joy, or any connection, we barely talk to our parents. After nearly 4-5 years of hardship and coming back to God, many things changed. We were closer than ever, we laughed more than before, and WE SPOKE TO OUR DAD!! Hahaha!! When I was young I could only remember, seeing my dad in his office room, walking, in his room, dining table and scolding us *like every minute* We were never close to any of our parents except our grandma :) I do agree that when God takes a life, is to save many others around that person. I experienced it twice. The only thing that I regretted when my grandpa passed away is that, I never knew him because he was sick and he only played with my brothers and I was always called the bad girl, but I never blamed him. I enjoyed listening to the stories of how my grandpa was the one who prayed for 40 years for my grandma and he was the most respected teacher in St. George, Taiping, because he would help students with their studies and then cooks for the family and he COOKS very well ;) All my cousin brothers told me how my grandpa would cycle them to school or for evening stroll around the park. Another thing is my grandma, she took care of my since young, even though she was like Sam's best friend :p I still appreciate her a lot, she wakes up in the morning 630 am and starts cleaning the whole house, she never allows anyone to touch or interfere with what she was doing. She was the one who ties my hair for school, outing, church and even ballet classes. I remember she was angry at me because when I was standard 6, I cut my hair short and she couldn't tie my hair anymore. She said " big girl already huh? Can cut your own hair no need mama tie and cut for you" Cute right?? Hehe!! My parents never likes me having long hair and my grandma was always the opposite, don't know who to side :p Before she passed way, she promised me she would would get well and watch me perform on TV, it was for teachers day, sadly, she couldn't make it but I guess she would be proud even though she didn't. 

Like I was saying, lately.....

I'm always away from my family and the worst thing is, many things happened when I'm not around. No one wants to tell me and they say its nothing. I mean how can it be nothing, when ever you guys nearly touch that subjects everyone keeps quiet and changes their expression?? Early this year, I realize the joy, happiness and even culture that my dad "set" was slowly going away. Everyone seems to be having their own plans. Some times when I'm back, I find myself sitting on the able alone eating, while mom eats in front of the TV, dad eats and left, Koko sometimes not there or not eating, Sam eats some times. Its sad that we use to eat together and joke at that table but now one by one, people leaves that table. Can't blame also :) That's why sometimes I would rather keep quiet and watch people enjoy their time, its fun, then you'll feel like "Thank God for them". Things will never stay the same after 5 years, what we can do is enjoy and really appreciate every time spent together. Memories of both bad and good are the things that will walk with us in future. How we think and act, will be based on our past experience. Hopefully, the decisions we make are wise ones, we always fear to make decisions because it may lead to the wrong path. Its okay, the most important thing is that, you know what went wrong, and you want to change. Don't let things bring you down or make you depressed. Be free!! Don't let your past bring you down. But instead make you stronger :) 

You should be happy that you had a chance to experience certain obstacles in life because with that you can have better decision making skills. 

AS is was saying... Hahahaha!! I keep going too far :p PATIENCE BRO   XD

The person who sits there, slowly I found that I don't understand him or can't even talk to him. If he doesn't like me to be involve in church then tell me, not scold me. I truly thank God for changing him but now it seems like no one can talk to him or make him move except God. Even for me to come back, I felt like it was a mistake, because every time I come back it seems like he's not happy. Even this trip back, I regretted that I came back. I don't get it, If I come back, I get scolding, I don't come back, I also get scolding. Some times, he doesn't know that I avoided many things so that I could please him. When I was younger, he use to say that I'm very anti-social because I don't talk or mix around with people, Now when i'm starting to mix around and talk, He complains that I'm very noisy and I'm too playful, I'm just laughing, that indicates me being playful?? Am I suppose to be that sour person like last time? I know I can't blame him but some times, the way he scolds my brothers, I really pity them.One of them even say "I think he hates me, why is it that anything happens he would blame me?" As the only girl, even though I'm always safe, but that's the sad part, they COMPARE. Which is some thing I always pray that those words would never come out. I never mean to be like that, I alose always help them. I get it when people are angry, unwanted words will be out, I never blame my brothers, The love me more than I could imagine. I life, we do face different problems but I can say that I thank God that it was I who went through not them. I would rather my brothers stay at home under my parents not me. But then, who knows right ;)

I'm really sad that my dad keeps question me about my trip back. I feel like "Am I gonna commit a crime or something wrong?" After Mondays lecturer, I knew he wasn't happy that I didn't bring my books back but how am I suppose to bring so many things back, and he's not fetching me or friends fetching me, I have to go to central myself and walk myself and then wait for taxi and then go back to my house, still got STAIRS. I never told him that I've been thinking about when to go back and how to go back, just that I never tell him because his mind was never there. And also because my brothers keep complaining that because I wasn't there, they can't do many things, other than movie. So I came back to give them a break. I know my brothers never shop for quite some time and they seriously need new clothes. So I saw this shop which had sale and told my brothers and mom to go in, they have sale for both men and ladies. I could see the joy in their face, and I don't mind doing it again. But the waiting..... Haha!! That's the only problem. 

I've never treated kampar as a hide out place. If I did, I would have only spent a day or two in kajang and then leave. If he thinks I come back only for fun. to find my friends only, I really got nothing to say. I keep telling him my reason, he just had to tell me "I don't know, ask yourself" I thought of keeping quiet and being back the person I was last time, but honestly I didn't like the previous me. I was always in my room, behind my parents, can't go out with my friends for lunch even if its few steps away from my school, and only talk to those who I know for a long time. And Is it wrong to want to make your road with God better? I find that I have to do it myself, cause no one would help me. My relationship with God is between me and God, I've wasted my time when I was in Kajang because they say it always none of my business or no one asked me to go, that's why I never went. I think I'm already very far from others, I need to catch up with God. I like kampar because I'm able to do things for God and myself. I can go out and share with people and fellowship with my friends because we who are far, needs christian friends to help one another, even Yvette agrees with me BUT I also know that I must study and control myself. I never forget about it before. 

I"m going back early coz he doesn't want me to stay so long, I don't know, now he's asking me to stay but sorry to say, I already told the sketch team that I'm coming back to help. And I really wanted to attend the COUNSELLING class, but because he doesn't want me to go, So I have no other reasons to stay while he keeps asking me. 

Kampar I'm coming back :'( I don't want you!! I go back, its a land of suffering and sadness, there's nothing like home. At least I had BBQ with my friends and I REALLY enjoyed it. 

Christina!!! Happy Belated Belated Birthday :)
Partner ;)

Yea, That's about everything, though the trip was bad, but there are many other happy and memorable events :) Thank you Aunty Rac and Uncle Dan for having us over last night, we were like little noisy monkeys. I HAD FUN!!! Thank God :)

Rejoice even though you're going through a rough time. Thank God for it. And I think I had two new reader ;) Naughty ah!! :p Hahaha!! Bye, See you guys in December!!

~~ God Bless ~~

~~ Loves from Me ~~

Friends :)

True friends always want the best for you

This two called me "stupid " last night
 :'( Hahaha!!

These two ah, "brained washed" me about leaving frenemy because of the way she treats me every time. One thing they said was true was "Why so stupid? People treat you like that still want to help her" Haiz!! Han sin ah!!! Say only easy la, do that time the guilt will be so bad, seriously, i feel bad. 

Actually, I really felt I already did my best in helping her and I have thought of leaving and be myself, SOLO XD Yea, because she told me "I really feel I have no friend, no one to talk, see, eat, or anything. I really have no one beside me". What am I?? Am I invisible to her?? This is something I call take people for granted. 

BiiBee :)

If she's gonna think I boikot her, I really have nothing to say. Someone who has been hurting her for years, she still longed for their friendship and never gave up. But me, I'm always there, and If i do one thing, which is never talk to her, she told me, she never thought of asking me why or even wanted to fight for our friendship. She totally gave up. From There, I could see what kind of friend I was to her. I'm so call a "sponge" when ever she needed to release her feelings. She is one person who says, she's open to people's critics, oh man, please, people who says like that are always opposite.

Even when I was In church, Lydia, talked to me and asked me to get my rights back and stand up for myself, If i'm gonna answer back and tell her at her face, which is something I had never done before, I can confirm, she'll say, I got influenced by people and I changed. Well, WHO CARES!!! *Darren, HanSin and ChoonKai's favourite sentence *

I know what i'm suppose to do now. I'm gonna follow the flow and see how, I can't always message her, it expensive and can't she just leave a FB message. LET IT BE!!! FORGETTTTTT!!!

BiiBee staring at VoonQian when she eat burger

She's So cute!! 

I'm gonna celebrate Mei See's birthday and their moral presentation's success. And Frenemy's bf is gonna be there, just wondering if he will bring her........ If he did, its gonna be SUPER AWKWARD. Because her frenemy is there. What ever la, I'm just gonna have fun and celebrate with mei see, then go church for meeting.  MIDTERM, TAKE HOME TEST AND ASSIGNMENT IS DUE ON THE SAME DAY~~ 

BYE!! Off to prepare for churchie :)  VicThor Chooo~~ Babi feller :p  

Oh!! Our prayer meeting was a bit off last night. Coz we meet with a very disturbed, lost and confused guy during dinner. All, 3 of us manage to share individually. And then He followed us to church and when I was about to walk in the church with that guy, I felt a sudden push from the front, a severe head ache and couldn't breath. After he went behind, I really didn't like that feeling and told victor about his various talisman. So Lydia and I prayed in tongues while Victor went to talk to him. That guy asked for a prayer and I shared with him many things in cantonese and thank God he felt better. After leaving, I still didn't feel nice, but once 3 of us starting worshiping, that feeling went away. That night we had "karaoke" session till 1am. Really loved that moment. We just let the music play and we really sang and worshiped in our own ways. I realize, prayer meeting, can be done in many ways. And when people say "when you worship, the enemy will run away" I can really feel the difference. Thank God for that fruitful night :) We all shared, learned, worshiped, fellowshiped, and acknowledge God together. Love the feeling when church members do things together. 

BYE!!

~~ God Bless ~

~~ Loves from Me ~~  

Events :)

1. Welcoming night

2. Chilling while Deriss was around @ Taiphon

I find this really cute :) Got sound effect some more. hehe

This are the only two who are so faithful in prayer

Victor and Lydia

Love this when I was younger. And didn't know it was still selling :p

This house is so cute!! Got music room some more!!

Wasn't allowed to take a picture BUT its tooo pretty!! :p

Failed to capture a photo rain drops under the light

I find this place relaxing. They have all kinds of comics and magazines but sadly
Its in chinese :(

Enjoyed the time spent with them :)

~~ God Bless ~~

~~ Loves from Me ~~

Clash between Early morning stars and Unwakeable morning

1. Yumcha + Year on memories at BB court

We'll start with this 1st. I went for a drink with my friends after their moral discussion for today's presentation. Was planning to and watch them since I have two groups to support, some how that evening, Just as I sat down on my chair a call came in from HER. All she said was "where are you, free? Okay mvn." Just like that, in few seconds she just said that and hang up. I didn't know what to say, so i asked her bf since he was there and he answered "i replied her already". I was thinking, why this two answer and question doesn't make sense. So I decided to text her to see if she's okay. Then she didn't reply me but she was messaging her bf. So I guess i should not wish for a reply. 

As I was walking back, she replied saying "Just needed someone to talk to". But I decided to sleep and wake up early for tomorrows "show" :) Well, when I asked her if she till needed someone to talk to she just replied "I go to the field and sit". FYI, that basketball field is dark an scary in a way, though there are people there. She's alone and i know that her bf will not be there since he had to help another group with their presentation video (pity him, 4am also haven't ready). So I walked with her around the last row of manchester houses, to the guard house, straight to beijing houses and sat there by the lake as she talk. It was seriously cold and honestly i wasn't really paying attention because i kept looking around to see if there are weird people around and it was so DARK (i hate dark places and she just has to walk there), i can't even think when she ask me questions. 

Part of the thing that she say sounds logic to me and I have my own opinion. Never had I been in a relationship so when things like that happened, I really don't know how to answer, like Lawrence say "its easy to say but when you're in our position, it would be different". It scares me honestly, because I really don't want to be like that and cause trouble. That night what both of them said really had me thinking  are things really that bad, most of the time when I was talking to Lawrence I could understand what he feels and kinda supported what he said. But I realize that I support guys opinion most of the time, maybe I talk to them too much, I don't know. Joey sort of shoot me with a question, how do I put it?? Errmm... Forget it, i don't know how to say :p because they are a bit every where and I can't combine them. When I listen to 2 girls talk that night, i feel bad for them, Sorry la, CK or HS if you're reading this. Boys can be very cold and TOO rational at times la, seriously, I understand your part, but i think as a girls, they needed people like their bf to at least spend time with them. I also realize one thing, boys definition of BF and GF is different with girls. I could be wrong. Like Finance guys always plays basketball, and its quite frequent, and the time they spent together is more than with their gf or housemates. So to Joey, her bf spends to much time with them, and lesser time with her. Its getting lesser and lesser as day pass. HAIZZZZZZZ~~~~ NO COMMENT, COZ I DON'T FIND IT A PROBLEM.    

Since she talk so much about wanting to be part of her bf's group, I told her to start talking to those girls, they are very open towards her but she wanted her bf to say "yu han you wan to go out with us?" . I feel like skipping this whole part. ZOOOOMMMM~~~ SKIPPED!!!

Last night's stars was really nice, it like blue sparkling diamonds in the sky. I wanted to do that for so long!! I just bring me back to year one when hs, damon, chloe and I use to walk there at 2 just to sit there or play bastketball. I even learnt how to "shoot" the ball in to the ring. Hehe!! I can be carried away when I want to learn something :) Usually I don't play because there's all guys but this time, they allow me to play (I know them ma, so i okay la if i'm that embarrassing) and teach me!! Hahaha, even my brother never teach me :p I think they gave up in teaching me. Sometimes I feel bad when I can talk to my guy friends more than my girl friends, because end of the day, I'll be having so much fun laughing and they sat down there quietly. Don't blame me, I brought them over to talk, the guys even went there to talk to them but they want to maintain in a quiet and innocent phase, so i can't force them. SORRY!!! I know I sound like Deriss now, LOUD :p  I'm diverting to another topic again!!! This is bad :( Hahaha!! 

Well, while lying down, i made lots of noise because there was awkward silence, and I was shocked to see such beautiful stars actually, unknowingly I was NOISY. Like I say, I wanted to do that long time ago because I only get to see a small part from my window. Joey decided t do a little investigation. She ask me to message HS to ask who's there and all. HS SORRY!!! :) But I sincerely ask how are you and really cared about that situation, it's from my heart :) :) I didn't listen to what she was asking me to ask because I felt like i was disturbing him. So i told her to message wei see is she really wanted to know. We lied down till it was 3 o'clock!!! I was actually sleeping in a frozen mode while Joey talks. The wind was just blowing like as if there's gonna be a storm :p (exaggerating about the wind). She expects me to take of my jacket for her but then, I ain't your bf and I'm not wearing another jacket inside so, I'm sorry. I'm not that person who shares things plus I'm not that close to her, unless i'm lying down with Deriss, Lydia, Glory, Chris, Abi or my brother or else forget it :p No la, I'm not that mean, I will lend la but Awkward la with her!! Well, since she say she want to get sick on purpose, i'm just doing her a favour :p since she was still waiting for him to come,  but he didn't. She's like Abigail, wants to do something stupid but can never succeed because it always bring disappointment. 

So in the end, She went to watch them perform, and I got a shocking door knock from two scary mens. These guys just have to knock as if they're gonna bang my door or kill me of i dont open. I was sleeping and dreaming!!!!! That knock on the door had me jumped up in 1 second, causing head ache and neck pain. I think they were shock to see me with my blanket and pillow in my hand :p Hehehe!! Who's no scared right??  After telling me some chinese stuff, I was quiet for few seconds trying to process some chinese ALIEN-IC word. And they came in and ask "jabiuadiufiuauisa?". Since they kept playing with my switch for the heater and he has something that looked like plug on his hand i said "ugfegfuigfus :) No roommate, my roommate shift already. not this room"  Communication break down. So he went out without a word and went to mimi's room where my roommate is :) He also banged her door, how barbaric :p And Why you got my house key?!?! He even unlocked my  door, Thank God I had another lock from inside :p No more next time. 

p/s: That "ufhuiahf" isn't profanity :) I don't swear, its me receiving some "chinese alien-ic" language. :p  

       

                        ~~ God Bless ~~

                     ~~ Loves from Me ~~

My Letter to Daddy J: Sudden burst :'(

Midnight messages are just irritating when you're doing assignments

Dear God, Please allow me to burst out a while. I really need to. I need to tell you this, I don't know how to say but I can only write. Lord!!! Today was rather an uncomfortable day, I couldn't avoid certain things and I felt bad because of that (its not a sin, don't worry). I switched on my Hillsong songs and I just felt like crying. Suddenly I really miss Daddy J's presence because I don't want to be caught up in certain things and I don't know what to do. I could only speak in tongues and soak in His presence. And just as I felt better, she messaged me. I really feel, she doesn't really care what or how I feel because all she knows and tell people when she does something bad is "I know Sara would understand me". I would but...... I just don't know how to say. I rather receive message from my long lost friend who makes me laugh.

I know I should be sleeping now (4am) or doing my take home test.

 I feel like saying something. 

Sad to say, I have a frenemy too :( 

And its making me crazy when she messages me at this time. 

I just dont understand her messages. I dont know what she wants

Can't she just go straight to the point and tell me that she needs me to accompany her??

Sometimes I can be forgetful and when I remember I don't mind offering.

But if with that tone and ENLARGED words, PLS

Even if i remember, I'll pretend as if I can't.

I want you to say it FOR ONCE!!

One more thing, Don't go all out being my mother, because I only have one

And she's in Kajang

I appreciate you messaging me in the morning

BUT

If i don't reply, its either:

1. I have no class, I can sleep

2. Its not my time to wake up YET

3. I'm bathing

4. I'm irritated with the way you message me.

Who wants to wake up and receive message like as if you were late for a date with her

or even like she's demanding you to wake up?

If you're so free, pls do it to your BF, He would seriously LIKE it :)

And whats with " Go check bus schedule"? 

You're going to Uni, NOT ME!!

Why am I the one checking?? Crazy ah?

Scary rite? This is how she sound XD

Oh yea!! When one is hungry, you're NOT the BOSS.

When you're hungry, you act like as if the whole world has to follow what you say.

"Sara, I'm hungry now. WHERE ARE YOU??"

I don't say anything, doesn't mean I don't mind. You order me!!

The thing is, I WAS NEVER HUNGRY WHEN YOU ARE, YOU KNOW?

Never had you took the time to think about others.

It saddens me that after 2 years being with you, every time, when I need 10 minutes to

just finished what I've been doing, you had to say this

" you know i can't be hungry. really wan."

You're gonna be hulk ARE YOU?

Another things she always say when we're in a middle of discussion or rushing for assignment is

"I'm hungry, lets go out. You dont wan ah? Then I go JH there eat. Really

don't wan? I can't be hungry wan le. I have gastric wan wo"


How can I not know you have gastric when you keep repeating it, since
I MET YOU!!!
I also have gastric okay, not only you.
We're so busy, can't you sacrifice a bit? All of us are sacrificing.
Some times I don't know how to say but
You can never sacrifice for others BUT you always expect others to sacrifice for you


If you go out to the real world, you'll find yourself being in depression
because, there won't be a person who'll give in to you
or even sacrifice for you.
Face is really that matters to you ah?
Never also say that I hear wrongly, am I deaf to you??
I tend to have a very good memory about what people tell me, especially you, because you always
question me, so I have to, in order to protect myself.


What ever I told or advice you had always been a rubbish to you.
How i know?
Because you always interfere when I talk even its a word " I "
AND
What people like your hometown friend, WM, J, JH, and TC say
is exactly what I SAID and you dare tell me, "why we can never thought of that huh"

I have to much anger in me, maybe I should read this book.Than I
shall be a happy child :) Hehe

Lord!!! This is how discourage I am. Its not once, but every time. And it keeps coming that, there's no time for the previous ones to heal. Honestly, I also have limits just that I don't show and when I'm just protecting my rights, it seems like I don't even have the say to even mentioned my opinion. What's the use of being a friend when I actually am scared of this person, how can i ever be honest with her just as she DEMANDS. Lord, a person who demands for a friendship is seriously scary. Its like every step or word I say has to be good to her ears and eyes, How can I be comfortable being around with her? I rather be with damon, chloe, voon qian, han sin, and choon kai :( 

Deriss always tell me her way of love your enemy is not this, its like really your enemy, someone who hates you. Isn't she sort of my enemy?? I mean Frenemy? I don't want to have enemies in life, to be truthful. From there, I kept thinking am I doing the wrong thing?? Maybe I'm doing tooooooo much for her? Shall I stop till God says something? But if I stop, she'll say that I'm "boikoting" her AGAIN :p I just dont know what to do.

Is it my turn to be what people say "emo"? Hmmm, I don't want to!!!! GOD HELP ME!!! I'm a restless kid now. I want to take a rest, because when I have no class is where I had to accompany her. Equal to having 5days class. Gotta stay positive, SARA!!! Come on, its just another game of that "stupid feller" who wants me to do opposite of what God wants me to do. 

My prayer:

Lord Jesus, i come to you as your child and a sinner. Help me to keep out of problems but be spiritually ready for Your work. Lord please give me strength and patience that is needed in this rough road. Make it bearable to me if that's what You want me to do. I'm a human who is easily shaken and influenced, please help me to be who I'm suppose to be, like You. I also pray that she'll find no fault in me when ever she tries to, help me to also protect my rights in a Godly manner. Even if it means for me to be hurt or suffering, for her to know You, I pray that I'll be ready for it. But keep me aware and always sensitive to You. Guide me and be my mentor in this matter because Your way is always the best. Never would I want to try my way, because I clearly know You're the best problem solver and peacemaker, why would i still want to waste my time but to seek You and ask for help. Lord You're work has always been amazing and mind blowing, let this be another amazing testimony to be told of in Kampar. I bring the whole week to your hands, praying and hoping that You'll always be there and it would not be just an ordinary week but miraculous week, continue to speak to me and use me the way You want. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

   

Fuhhhhh~~~ I feel so much better :)  Thanks for listening Daddy :)

Sincerely,

Sara

P/s: Was munching on chocolate in a cold weather along with me anger while doing my take home test, really is a good combination but how can I stay till, 8pm? I need to get sick :p To be away from many things.

~~ God Bless ~~

~~ Loves from Me ~~

3rd November 2012

That significant time

For this past few days, I think I laughed and smiled TOO much, Its always before I sleep. Even when Deriss was here, she was supposed to be drunk and sleeping, instead, she woke up and ask "why are you still awake at this time". Well, HeHe, I've been talking to my long lost friend :) This blog has a new reader!! When I knew about it, I wasn't angry or what but the fact that the person that I've writing about IS READING!! I don't know what others might think, because some people wished that "he/she" would read it. I never thought that my friend could see it, because I actually wanted to tell Gloria about it, but I think I should have kept it to myself. The things I wrote was SUPER EMBARRASSING, because I knew no one would read, so I left it that way :p Well my friend, i think it was meant to be spoil :) 

Actually, when my friend told me, my heart stopped (as if I've committed a crime :p) because I have forgotten what I wrote. That time was thinking, "oh no, my friend read. what would happen". But since my friend said that it was a good thing, so I think its good la. I had certain questions written in one of the things I wrote and I was told that I could have the answers to it and gave me time to read back what I've wrote :p For my friend to see those two particular writings was certainly good, but its embarrassing for me. Imagine you writing one for me, secretly and suddenly I found out. Every word from your heart was known.

Last night, the stars looks like this.
 But not as much la. This is the milky way :)

I'm gonna write informally now :) 

I'm never good at expressing anything but I think I was happy that this blog was “spoiled”. How do I put this? Maybe It’s meant to be known? I’m really thankful that the person who I’m going through 3rd November was with you. I wouldn't dare to really say certain things but as time pass, I think it would be known :p Haha!! I don’t know what I’m saying now, coz all I could do is smile at what actually happened. It’s already, 2 years, plus, I guess?? Time really flies. I really enjoy what we’re doing now. And To me that prayer really meant a lot because it showed that you really want God to show us according to His time and you didn’t want to rush things. If things would be like what others expect, like make decision as if, it doesn't mind, I really don’t think I can be ready for anything. Yea, don't let things happen too fast. So that’s one thing. 

That prayer was sort of a new commitment to God. Leaving everything to him, allowing Him to be the core of everything, allowing Him to be in charge of the timing and Be our guide. Like for the FIRST time, we actually prayed together?? It sounds weird but its..... NICE J I get to do it with someone who cares about what is there. It’s a new date, with a new prayer and commitment?? I don’t know how we can end up talking about this but I’m glad we did, since its the world’s hardest topic, agree? I teared up because I was very thankful to God that you did not push things but taking it slow, I don't know I'm just shock and happy at the same time. Erm, having someone to do this thing is not easy, most of them would skip this part, and this part is actually the most important part, to me la, hehe. 

You answered that funny question last time and now for you to answer my stupid questions was really nice. Well, it’s very nice of you and I never thought you would because it’s so hard for even me to say it. I think it would have taken me a long time (days) to say something like that. The first question, when there was a "NO", I was actually like, "okay" because I expected it to be that way. Hehe. Who knows, Its the opposite!! Hahaha!! And the 2nd question, I like your answer. That's actually what I prayed for also and I believe in it.

Let's just continue what God had done so far, so that It would be like a testimony for the future youths?? Something that they would look up too and not follow the worldly ways. Especially people like Sam, Abi, Chris and more.



I actually wrote this very long ago, its just that, I don't know if its what I wanted to say or write. Even until today, i keep editting it :p Anticipating huh?? hehe

____________________________________________________________________________


I truly believe when you allow God to be in charge of everything things would turn out good even if you think its bad. Why not pray and wait?? This way has always been the safest way but people tend to follow their heart, which always bring disappointment. Just wait and you'll see. The special time for you will come ;) Not kidding. Start praying and be patient.

God's promise has always been the best

~~ God Bless ~~

~~Loves From Me~~

Bad news

Stealing . Burden . Hurts . 

This week was a rather bad week. In conjunction to the previous post about "Why Does God Let Your Enemies Survive", I could slowly see, how God interfere in problem which we humans can't even solve. My friend who I'm always with, came back from the holidays with quite a good mood, despite her result and all the past, she was able to come back to Uni with a positive view. Just when I step on the land of Kampar, she messaged me and ask if we could have a time of "chats". We went out and guess who we saw?? Her frenemy!! (something which I hope not to happen) Well it did, I can't deny that the way that girl acted that day was very hurtful, and in chinese people call it "Hen Qian Da" (I think that's what they call it) This was because dear frenemy had a very nice chat with my friend's BF, Yes Frenemy likes him too. 

From that day (2nd week of Uni), my friend obviously didn't like it and took it to heart and problems like, jealously, insecurity and also unable to BELIEVE each other. Honestly, I can't blame her BF because he really showed her that no matter what happens, she can believe him. Even he said, "Its Impossible that I would like her even if we break. And I won't allow us to break so easily". THERE, he said it already. Girls are just doing what they do best, THINK TOO MUCH :) The following week (week 3 Monday), Its time to know her results for appealing. Honestly speaking, I knew what was the outcome before she unseal the letter but its not nice to spoil a friend's hope. Well, she opened it and I was like "OH MAN!!! NOT ANOTHER REJECTION" At that moment I don't think she could take another bad news. If my heart dropped when i read the first line, I think hers was crushed. Her hope to be able to continue to stud ended with that letter. For the first time, being a noisy person, I don't know what to say. And I'm not sure if i should say anything.

As a Christian, I asked God in my heart "Isn't it suppose to be okay? Out of everything, why at this time? What am I suppose to say? Should I say something or just stay quiet?" We sat in front of FGO quietly for quite some time. And at the same time I was suppose to help Damon and Hansin with their recording. I really don't know which to choose. One side is my friend, another also, But if I help Damon, which her frenemy is also there, it just doesn't feel right. In the 10 minutes, I had to make decision in my heart and pray at the same time. When she started talking, I found myself saying "You know what? I'm going to help you find a way out. Don't worry. I'll help you. ". Hmmm, did i just get myself into another mess? When she look at me i knew she wanted to cry, so i took her to a place no one could see us, but I was still wondering if what I did was right. As I was walking, I heard God saying "Stay with her. I need you to stay with her". You can never say no to what God want you to do, but obey. 

That day, we went home at 9pm and all we could do is sleep. The next day, I was suppose to go and meet her in Uni but some how, I felt like I had to stay back and do something. I missed 3 buses and was talking to my hometown friend. True enough, I wasn't suppose to go. I was suppose to pray for her. Wendy went for class, so its the best time for me to pray. When i pray, I realize I didn't know what to pray because I dont know what's going on and how to describe this situation. I did a short prayer and I waited for God to say something. God showed me that my friend was in a position where, her hurts from the past was being kept and brought till now and she was all tied up with problems she couldn't let go. I continued praying for forgiveness, peace and being free from all those bondage. After that, i walk to my table and asked again what He wanted me to show her, God wants her to know that He died for her. As I close my eyes and continue seeking Him, I heard the word "enemy". Instantly I saw, the enemy stealing her love ones, finance, friends and even education. Then again I heard the word enemy. God said, the enemy is trying to stop you from talking to her. Well, stupid feller knows that he's in danger :p Good for you :) 

That night, Deriss and my dad kept asking me to share with her, because she wanted to see me but some how I felt like its not the time. Surprisingly the word "ENEMY" was referring to the same day (night). I tired to follow the flow like Deriss said, but she wasn't anywhere near my topic. Suddenly, she started shooting me back about the past, something about her bf,  how i dumped her and how sad she felt and everything. I really wanted to burst out in anger but I asked her 1 question "Do you think I knew you for a reason? You found me, not I find you." She was shock when i ask her that. She tried to avoid that question, I continued saying " Have you ever wondered why most of our situation are similar? ". Some how we got to a part where she ask me, " Is it you know something? Because you prayed for me?". She told me that she felt like i knew many things from the start just that I didn't want to say anything, she also mentioned about the enemy. Hehe!! Scary~~~ 

Some how we didn't touch that topic but I told her what i saw and heard. She told me that her sister once told her about this enemy and now he's really playing with her mind. She even say sometimes, she felt like " something" was telling her to be negative and all. Suddenly my mom called and she wanted to go back, but our convo did not end there, we went out for late dinner. After walking out she started about when she went home, she felt like something did not allow her to come out, ME TOO!!! But it was another time for bonding, we found out some stuffs and talk about it. And when we went home, we sat outside her house and look at the moon as she messaged her BF. (THEY ARE OKAY!! AS LOVING AS BEFORE). She sent me a short messaseg and i felt happy. It was just "Thank you". I feel what ever I've been doing, even sacrificing for her, was worth it. She doesn't express, but thank you is enough :) In fact, I also have to thank her, because i learnt a lot from her in return. 

Until today, bit by bit, good things are happening to her. 

   1. The rejection letter became, accepted

   2. Her relationship with her bf became better than before

   3. She doesn't really care about her frenemy who tries to annoy her

   4. Her assignment date was postponed because of her matter 

   5. She realize that she has more friends than she thought

And etc :)    

Even character wise, she was better, so that one of the reason why I could bare with her. Its not about the hard journey but its about the change you saw in a person, it means much more. Small changes, I should be happy or else how can big changes happen? 

I still have another 1 year plus with her, I really hope, that when we depart, she'll use what she has learnt to help others or be a better person :) 

Every Bad things that happen, doesn't mean its always bad till the end. The outcome is always shocking and unexpected :)

Hopefully, what I wrote here, can encourage anyone who ends up here, to continue to face the problems with a positive attitude. Look forward towards God's intervention in your problems.

~~ God Bless ~~

~~ Loves from me ~~