Church #3

Degree!!! Hahaha!! I further my studies in a very small town call Kampar in a district of Perak. I took Bachelor of Finance. I thought is was easy, at least I loved that subject when I was in foundation and I scored 'A'. God lead me to Kampar, not knowing where, my mom brought me and my brother down to get a room and settle me down. God send great people to bring me along. I was alone and all but yea, I have a pair of feet and mouth. Eventually I got lost in such a BIG uni, AT FIRST. Now it looks small :p

3. God never fails to use me,show me, and love me.

In my first year, God showed the kind of friends I had that I had to choose between having my own life and hurting myself. Well my friends did not treat me as friends when they met new friends who they can have more fun with and I'm a 'CHRISTIAN GIRL' with boundaries. I was really hurt but then I learn to step up for myself and if they want to talk to me I will, why want to be calculative, keeping all the hurts and anguish when I can be happy.

Just Deriss

That's when I met deriss, my dad would ask me to stay away from her because she's independent, well I can't be like her. But her faith is what I look up to. She taught me to do things that people wont do, just to bless them. She was the first who shared with me her life experience and her spiritual life. As years past, she taught me about faith, perseverance, boldness and discipline. What she has done for me, I can never repay her. She taught me to have fun but at the same time, study is still priority. This is also when I met Genesis again. Well, we're closer than before. We walked away from church for the same reason and we meet again. She was more like an elder sister. She's strict and she knows what's one and what's 2. She never lets her heart take over for decisions. Her mind is the one that does it all. She's really a woman of God. She has this funny way of laughing that cracks people up even when she's seriously acting, people will just laugh. hehe Just love her the way she is :) Then came Lydia. After Deriss left, Lydia and I was more like talking buddies, we spent time talking about our problems and how God would mould us, what we should do. And at the same time, we were close to Ziyin. 3 of us shared what we had inside us for our church, we believe that as we humble ourselves in seeking Him, getting our hearts right, He will do the bringing of people. 

Lydia Koren aka Lily

Though the number is few, but He brings the right people in. I remember how we would talk about how studies are and yet here we are in church. How did we manage to juggle things and all. Despite our bad results, but then we still look to God and ask Him to change us. Its not about our time spent in church more to our time management. Lydia would call me out for a drink and we would go to the basketball court and we'll talk as we lie down and look at the stars. This is how I know, and we all know fellowship is important in church. We bring each other up when one is down. So we also start fellowship-ping with others asking how they feel and their problems. We face a lot of problems mostly like how people would see us as a church that is small in size. To us number was never the problem because it never crossed into our mind. We were normal as others, we eat the same food as others, we learn the same things as other, we go to the same uni as others, maybe because we didn't go to the same church as them. I don't know. Well, Zi Yin, she's like another elder sister to me. Her advice are always to wise. Though she may look fierce but once I got to know her, she was nothing about anger or getting back at others, in fact the always solve problem without hurting once feeling though the other party would.

Ziyin jie jie and Chia Ming ;)
He look so cool face to face (true story)

 Lets just put it as, she's has gone through great things in life that has made her wise in the words that she say. She's the elder sister in our church because when we get bullied she will stand up for us. She will say the truth and its because she knows the truth. Unless is she's wrong, then she will listen. I regretted I never got to know her earlier. She taught lai ping and I subjects that we can't cope. Yeap, we study in church :) We exchange knowledge. She use to tell me about how I was too soft and how I need to speak up, well she was right, she knew my problem but i never got the guts to change. The relationship she has with her boyfriend is so God driven. They keep each others up in God's word and never fails to encourage one another. And you can see that their relationship is mature and not childish. Something I would look up to :) Just can't wait to see them in future. I know Lai ping would. And who is this person name Lai Ping?? hehe I met her in a christmas drama, and she was sooooo cute back then, she acted as an angel. Not that she's not cute now, she a very very very very very funny person. She can make the whole church laugh. After 12am she'll go crazy, its her having her sugar rush time. She is one person who I really sayang, other than Nathan and J-vyn ;) She has this heart for God and she was so crushed when I first met her. She's the only christian in her family. She tries her best to fulfil the needs in her home by taking responsibilities like taking care of her brothers and sister. Who she is today is how she was brought up since young. She's the mom in our church. She cleans and cleans and nags and nags all she wants until its done. haha!! But we love her for who she is, we need people like her to kick butts that are not responsible and to light up the atmosphere in church. Well, to me she and Nathan did a great job in creating atmosphere. They are actually of the same age but very different in mind, they practically go against each other in a funny way.

Lai Ping aka Horlick Ping aka Mom

Nathan on the other hand is an island boy who has gone through a lot in life as well. Other than that, he's a fun guy. He knows when to have fun and when to study. I admire his knowledge in music as he help us during worship practise, like songs arrangements, because we are confused about it, plus we song leaders dont know chords and beats. hahaha!! We know beats but not in a music way. So yea, he teaches us that. Plus for a guy his age, when it comes to relationship, he is gooood and mature. hehe, i think its because of this previous or maybe he has sisters. So yea. Its good that we have other guys in church because he have so much girls, gotta balance them up. He helps J-vyn in seeing things differently plus they come from the same hometown, Penang. And they are guys who watch animes and plays computer games, I'm sure they'll get along. Why do I sayang him so much because he has this cute baby face and a very funny english ascent. Yea, I really wish the best for him in life and his road with Jesus. I'm just amazed to how much he knows in terms of studies and how he love reading books like even medicine and goodness those books are CRAZILY THICK~~ Thicker than my finance textbooks. 

And J-vyn........... Hmmmmmm...... That's just J-vyn, He's so neutral and quiet. He's not shy but quiet. He just doesn't know when to speak and when to tell how he feels. He's just J-vyn. hehe. He's another person who I really love to talk to, though its hard but praise God he changed a lot from the first day he came. He's pretty cute when he dont know how to answer lai ping's demanding question, and we sometimes would wanna choke him just waiting for his answer. It takes him mins and mins and mins. But we're used to it, its part of us now. To people outside, we might look like we're forcing him but we're teaching him to make decision and think about the future. He really has no idea about his life. Like I say, Thats so J-vyn.   

Nate aka chatter box :p

J-vyn: The mysterious quiet boy
 who's growing

I wouldn't trade anything for these people. and not forgetting pastor elijah, pastor angela, wing yin, Theo (he's not chinese ;) I thought he was a chinese too and he's a pastor too ) and Jannel 

Church #2

 After National Service, I went to UTAR to further my studies. And it was a new path for me, being away from home again. I think God is trying to build me stronger because i can never stay away from my family, I'm hopeless with out them. They are where I always hide my face and everything, cause they are there to protect me. Well, that's wrong. Though my parents would allow me to go into the "wild" but God used assignments and friends to change my attitude. 

2. He never let you go through things you can't bear and He will bring people who are around you to guide you.

Who says non-christians can't help you?? We can't judge people because they are different from you. My foundation friends are someone who knows and respect me as a christian. They will not disturb me when I'm reading the bible in fact they will remind me. I'm a person who will not speak up for myself and will try my best to stay out of responsibility. But my friend taught me to speak up and lead. Some how, they will help me to translate in chinese to my group members. They even told me that after this, I had to do it myself. They thought me to laugh when its time to laugh, study when its time to study and play when its time to. They changed my quietness to an open person, who's willing to help people, because they helped me. I know how one person's help can change people, so I decided to help others and not forgetting God. I also learn that in my hard times when my friends can no longer help me, its out of their abilities, God showed me, He will not let me go through things that I can't bear when I was reading the bible. I went to the balcony and cried out of option and stress, at that time my dad called, he told me that he and my brother will help to finish my assignment for Mass Communication (due date, next morning) when my group member bailed out just because they don't know english and they had no idea what to do. I finished it within few hours. My dad and brother slept and they told me, the rest I had to finish it up myself. I learn to strive for things I had to do, and even when I strive, I can never forget those who helped me, my family. 

Another thing I learn about a person is ORIGINALITY. Its not that I'm an emotional person, but some how God just reminds me of who I am. In many of my presentation (public speaking, mass comm and english) God challenged me to be thankful for where I came from, to share what He has done in my life. Even if we shared tears while sharing, but the message through the presentation will hit people's mind. Because all the tutors or audience wants its something close to their heart, something they can relate to. Even if we try to talk about something we don't know, we can never make them understand. Unless we simplify things. Simple things can give greater impact than bombastic lighting, slideshow or outfit. Be you and share. 

The last thing I learn till the end of my foundation studies is starting your day with God, makes your day better. Even though you might go through a lot within 7am to 8pm but you'll find that, you have the strength to go through and while waiting and striving for the day, you have time to whisper a song of praise and think about how funny if people are looking at your miserable life now, probably they'll be laughing and you'll end up smiling, I know I did. God just plans everything for you. There's always a reason why I waited for a bus for 2 hrs under the scorching sun, then take the KTM and waited for another 45min. All these, builds character. I will always feel shy or small, going up the bus and people staring at me, but then SO WHAT, thats how I look like after travelling from uni :p I can't be all drama queen about how I look, can i?? I can but I choose not to, its not about how I look but how I present myself. hehe

Stay tuned for my last thing and the Finale of this topic ;)

Church #1

What do people normally think about church??

1. Too holy
2. Too holy
3. Too holy
       .
       .
       .
       .

This is what people outside see us. Well, for me, growing up in a Christian family, i never really knew God. Probably because my family was never on time for church, we rush to church, we can sometimes skip church if we're too tired or worst "I FORGOT ABOUT CHURCH".  Something to laugh about. As time pass, i grew up in a church with many many rules set and leaders who dont walk the way they talk. Well, dont get me wrong, I'm not here to judge. Stay with me and see how changed my thinking ;)

I was very hurt by my cell leaders the way she would tell pastor about how I wouldn't go for cell, when I was always there waiting and in the end no one turns up, and there she was telling me cell had to cancel because no one else was coming. And the "no one else" are all board members kids. They would never come and would only come when there's a birthday celebration or an outing which has got to do with FUN or SHOPPING. I know because I was made the treasurer to keep me active in church. Well, trust me it didn't, the more I was treated badly, the more it drew me away from God and church. I thought that God's people are always mean and unreasonable and I was happy because my parents did not force me to go for youth service. My youth pastor even came and question me of my absent, and I told him the truth but he didn't believe me, and thank God my dad was there he told pastor that he was the one who sents me for cell but just when he reach home, I call him to pick me up because cell cancelled. But the pastor still wouldn't believe us, until my dad's cell leader came and told the pastor that I always ended up joining his cell and he would see me coming back from cell early. The pastor has nothing to say but shook his head and walk away.

I felt so small in church, when I'm already so small in height. Just when I want to serve in church, I wasn't allowed to because of how a person measures my knowledge or "goodness" in church. Sometimes i really felt like confronting him but I realize what benefit will I get? I get to prove that I'm right? I always served with fear and feel like i was not good for those who I'm backup-ing for. There was no communication to what they want from me or how they want me to back them up for worship. But when I went for National Service, I learnt that no matter how I didn't get to learn much in church or how I was not seen in church, God never forgets me. Most people think I can't survive in camp because I'm SOOOO FRAGILE to them. Well I did, and I was challenged in terms of my relationship with God and my relationship with friend of different skin color, believes and back ground, and my family.

1. I learn how to lean on God when I was scared and He gave me words to speak. (1st year after SPM) 

Basically everyone knows some how, no matter what camps you go to there's always a ghost story. Well, everyone who knows me, knows that I'm a scary cat. When all my friends are scared of how that "thing" attacked our malay friends, they were really scared, practically most of them would go back to their god. But what really shocked me was, my christian friends, they went to the chinese temple with my other friends to get a bracelet for protection. I asked them why, but they told me in case one don't work another would work. But I can't do that tho I felt left out because they all has the same matching bracelet. Deep in me I know what I had to do, my bible knowledge teacher thought me to worship and sing praises when we are scared, evil spirits will flee in His name. So I went to bath on my own in the very quiet toilet. I begun to throw my pride (because I'm scared to sing cause i might make ppl angry or ppl thinks i'm a freak) and sing, louder and louder. Then some how I forgot about every fear I had and continue washing that huge toilet (dorm toilet for more than 20 people) all alone. Then I walked in my dorm, finding my chinese friends sitting together one side. So I went to my bed, hanged my towel and clean my bed, suddenly one girl asked me a question. "Were you in the toilet all alone? Why didn't you ask us to go with you? Aren't you afraid? I realize you were singing, why?" 

I honestly told them, No doubt I was scared but I was told not to be afraid cause the on in me is greater than the one of the world. And me singing is giving praise to God and satan doesn't like it, so he will flee and the fear in me was no longer there. They asked me to pray for them, and I did. Not long after than I took my bible and read it outside my dorm, cause it was too noisy, some how it caught my dorm leader's eye and she was a muslim, strong one, she's in fact the assistant leader for her muslim thing. She questioned me many things and I refrained and still stand to what I believe. I now know what it means by, people will tell you things to entice you or even threaten you. But then she also walked away. She was trying her very best to convert me because I was her good friend back then. Until the end she also tried to ask me to wear their 'tudung' but I told her, "just as I respect you, I hope you will respect me". She also said, who knows one day you will be one of us, i didn't know where did i found such courage and boldness to tell her "I know my God and I know and saw things that He had done. So I will not change or give up on being a christian". Wow!! I felt like my heart was about to come out!! It was soooo fun sticking up for God. I was so proud to be a christian. And how I got through NS and got through all my different kinds of fear, only God knows. 

I also learned that no matter how, my family is always there for me. My friends might not appreciate me and takes me for granted but my family would always care and never leave me. Friends do come and go, I will treat them as my friend but if they don't, that's their problem, not mine. Its their lost. I did my best to show love and care when they needed a friend or when they don't. I have other friends who appreciates me more.

I'll continue the next thing I learned, so read on :)

    

Coming back

HI!!

I'm back. Its been months and months of not posting. Well its been a hard time starting to write again because i will have to really express how i feel. I've been closing my blog because:

 1. I was not free
 2. Had to settle some personal problems
 3. Went for camp
 4. Went to talk to pastor


This is what I learnt, you can never be too mature or too smart. Sometimes its just hard if two people are on a different page or channel. Maybe the opposite to attract each other instead of people of the same kind. At times we restrict ourselves from telling the truth because we care about how other feel. Look at things this way. If you never tell the truth, they will always be kept under a "lie". Which is bad??

The truth may hurt, but "the truth shall set you free". Whether or not the person will accept what you say, i realize its not your responsibility. How the person reacts to in and if the person restrains from your friendship, don't feel bad. All you can do is tell the truth, what happens after that its their responsibility. Action that they take is their choice not yours. Unless if we force them, and that's wrong.

We can't make decisions for people or make them make decisions on the spot. Different people take their own time to realize things. Well, it took me 22 years, to figure out my problem. Its hard to know the truth but whether you want to change or stay that way because you're so sad and depressed of your situation is up to you.

I thank God that He never fails to call me back. He never fails to remind me of him. They always say, if you love someone, you wont do anything to hurt him or her. Well, the love that God has for me, I can never repay him. He has been watching me when i'm down, sad, depressed, blur, negative and even happy. I put the right friends around me to wake me up. I thank God for COP (church of praise, Kampar, Tronoh and Ipoh). And i love them so much. Wouldn't trade them for other thing ;)

~~ God Bless ~~

~~ Loves from Me ~~

STUDY!!!

I'm seriously BORED!! 

No Wi-Fi is already that bad, STUDIES?? 

So i decided to entertain myself for the first time. I know its stupid but, I can at least

laugh at how stupid I look :p And its too paiseh to put this up on Instagram,

UGLY!! My brothers would puke and send me warning letter XD

 Here at least no one sees :p Hopefully..

The minute it reaches 12am

I actually learnt this from my dear friend Deriss. Hahahaha!! Yeap! I always see her posting pictures on Wechat, so i asked her, she say got nothing to do so she entertained herself.

Plus no one sees it at this time, so who cares XD 

I really hate accounts but I think i'm starting to love it. I guess :p

I guess my new room is very good, in the sense that I don't get to see sun or light. The source of light comes from the florescent light in my room :( How sad. I don't even know if its morning or night, HAVE to look at my phone. Its cooling tho, natural air and the funniest part is my window is 

actually an air way, how can wind travel downwards? Science ;) 

 

Took me 1 hr plus just to sign documents for checkout. 

Thank God I packed everything two days earlier and woke up at 730 to bring everything downstairs. Well, Thanks to Lai Ping and also Deriss' "friend" (Mr. Volkswagen) who helped. 

Was so scared that I scratched that car, but he was very funny!! Before he came in and carried this heavy bag full of books he asked " Got anyone ah? Like girls cause don't want to be awkward"

I mean, who in Kampar would every say that?!?! 

If there is, they wouldn't just walk in my house like its none of their business and not even shy about it (FYI, my house is only for girls). I respect him alot, uncle XD  

My pity little window :p
Someone climbed down once and broke in. Hopefully not this time 

I gotta say, Manchester houses are like houses that are ready to be taken down. Its the first to be built, which means 10yrs of its "loyal" existence. Even my bed frame has to be replaced. 

But this uncles said that

 "it just need a plank wood. You wont fall. And about the fan, it wont hit you, so don't worry. Oh your drawer, see ahhh BAAMM, can close already what, just all 3 can't come at the same time. Your wall crack ah, let me paint a bit, you won't even realize its there" 

DANISH HOUSE AHHH!!! I'm paying for all these lazy services?? Seriously, he just clammed my drawer and still cannot close. That paint, cause me to sneeze for hours 

cause it smelled like expired paint + droppings 

and i'm sleeping next to it.

Oh well, out of words. Mind becoming slow. I'm actually hungry :( But Milo shall keep me awake despite its sugar level (contributes to fat) cause I tried Coffee (to stay awake at deriss' place for assignment) and I suffered the whole night.

People have after effect right after they drink but mine is after 6hrs. How slow can my stomach be?

Maybe its because I mixed two kinds of coffee together, pure black coffee (tasted worst than chinese herbs) and Genesis' 3 in one white coffee. 

I might follow my elder brother's way of studying when its 28th, drinking 3 cans of coffee a day to stay awake, cause i'm having back to back papers :( The sad part is mom ask  me to follow,

 I'll follow but do it my way ;) Not that stupid.Have you met My best friend??

 He's called SLEEP.

I'll be super hyper without sleep. Ask Deriss and Gen, they experienced it and was also enjoying it

because I was talking nonsense :p

Good night or should I say good morning :)

~~ God Bless ~~

~~ Loves from Me ~~

He’s working on your behalf

Today’s scripture:

“We know that God will work all things together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose”

(Romans 8:28)

Today’s Word:

God is working behind the scenes in your life today. No matter what you may be facing, no matter what trial you may be going through, God has a plan to turn things around in your favour. Right now, He is working out a plan for your good. Right now, He is orchestrating the right people to come across your path. He is orchestrating the right opportunities to open up to you. You may not see it in the natural, but look with your eyes of faith today. Keep standing. Keep believing. Keep hoping. Keep following His word. Focus on His goodness in your life, knowing that He rewards the people who seek after Him. As you meditate on the faithfulness of God and how your love for Him by following His word, you will see His plan come to pass. You’ll experience His peace and joy, and you will live in victory all the days of your life.

A prayer for today:

Heavenly Father, Thank You for Your faithfulness in my life. I trust that You are working behind the scenes on my behalf. Give me your strength and peace today and peace today and fill me with Your faith to overcome. In Jesus’ Name. Amen

~~ God Bless ~~

~~ Loves from Me ~~

Power of waiting

Waiting, is really something great, you can always see how God move and do things. Every time when I'm tired of waiting and people hurting me, I even ask God back, how to love your enemy. Every week during service, God speaks to me, and its always about His commandment, To love your enemies as yourself. Because Love is all about giving and sacrificing. I had always been waiting for frenemy, waiting for the right time because these few weeks what I say was again nothing to her because she had a new friend who she say is very rational and understands her bf , well the outcome  of waiting was this. 

I found that it wasn't because of me that frenemy was together with her bf because I expected her bf to be rational and then she spilled it out when they had a bigger problem. She kinda forced him to give them a chance, actually, giving her a chance to show that she changed. Cut the story short, THEY BROKE UP FOR GOOD!! Yes, less problem for me. I don't understand why, people with love problems come to me, when I know nothing about love. Then when she broke up, I manage to really talk to her as a friend, telling her what she did wrong because she always thought she was right. And I told her what love is. Some how it came out. Hahaha!! That I give credits to JESUS. He was there to guide me as I talk, giving me the right words to speak. And another shocking news was, GOD SPOKE TO HER THIS MORNING!!! *jumping with great joy* 

She might not accept Him right away, but the fact that in times like that God spoke to her and it opened her heart that she was able to let her ex go, because God told her why her bf wants to break up. Well, AMAZING RIGHT?? Last night when i was doing my TAWG, God said, In your weakest point is where I'll gently come. So this is what it means :))))))))))) 

Really thank God that something good like God speaking to her is happening. I really want good things to happen to my friend. Seeing them happy makes me happy too. What I experience and is good, I would want to share it with my friends. 

YOU CAN ALSO MAKE A DIFFERENCE EVEN IF ITS JUST ONE PERSON. CAUSE WHEN ONE PERSON ACCEPT CHRIST AS THEIRS PERSONAL LIFE SAVIOUR, THE WHOLE OF HEAVENS WILL REJOICE. 

ONE SOUL CAN MAKE LOT OF DIFFERENCE. 

You don't have to worry about your status, image or what ever or losing out. God will redeem back your lost, and He will bless you abundantly ONLY if you ABIDE in HIM and HE will ABIDE in you. Learn to seek Ye first.

Fitting in

Shutting of certain mindset for the goodness of others

Its actually not easy to fit into an unfamiliar environment. Having a new roommate is like staying in a new country. Everything starts new. And being in a double room, one of us have to tolerate. I'm not saying I'm doing all the tolerating but I got to a point where I really couldn't stand my roommate. One word to describe her "GAMER".

hahaha!! Not her but yea :p

I can accept people who plays lots of games BUT someone who doesn't sleep the whole night is what I can't stand. For months i tried to move to places to stay away from her but I realize I can't but I have to face her. So after my plans of shifting was approved by my parents, I came back on Monday night and I was really very tired. After cleaning the room, washing clothes and doing some work I slept, until the clock hit 2am. Not forgetting I have 8am class to attend. It was so hot because my place was far away from the fan and the light shines directly to my face. So i got up in anger wanting to scold her because it has been like that for half a year, I have sleepless night every day and sometimes I can't sleep, I can't wake up for my classes because WE sleep at 6am in the MORNING. 

She wears something like that. Such a pro ;)
Sometimes I even thought she talks to her self

There I was in Uni for the whole day, always hoping that when I'm back I could find peace and rest but instead the sound of the gamer is always there. I'm okay if she don't sleep for few nights but THIS is really too much. Even studying beside her is a problem. I even shifted my table to be allow me to study properly and tried sleeping the other way, but I still can't. I'm a light sleeper but I can still accept lights or even slight noise. But if you're staying up because of GAMES and you don't sleep, YOU HAVE A SERIOUS PROBLEM. 

Let me ask you, How do you deal with people who don't talk, but only stares at the computer. He or she only move their butts when they bathe, eat or walk to the toilet and goes to Uni. In other words, like a robot. And you have to make decision about the room because you have a leakage in your room? Is it hard? Or is it my problem? I'm okay with talking but it feels like there's a communication break down. I gave up talking to her last semester, I really tried my best to know her so that we can stay HARMONIOUSLY. HAHAHAHA!! IMPOSSIBLE~~ 

Anyway, I decided not to shift but to change my way of perception. Since I can't change her ways of sleeping,  So i change myself. After everything, i realize that i am able to shut myself from realizing that she's there and even push myself to sleep under that "sun-like" florescent light. I don't know if its a good thing to be ignorant about her but i can't care much, since its out of my control. This whole week, my devotion was basically based on trusting in the Lord and loving others. So trusting in the Lord i did and I found the assurance of no need to shift :) HURRAH!!! She heard that I'm shifting but who cares :p I'm happy with where I am actually. 

Sometimes people and certain environment wants to kick you out but stop, be calm and pray. Ask God if its His will. You don't want to be doing things out of His will. This whole week was very busy indeed cause I had midterms and I have to discuss with my dad and deriss about things and its tiring me out and today I have another assignment to do :'(  I had too many things to worry about and guess what? Check my next post :p See yea ;)

~~ God Bless ~~

~~ Loves from Me ~~

STUPID THINGS YOU DO FOR A LOVE SICK FRIEND

Guess what I found?

Chocolate that has this cute words. Didn't know they have these. Well, I saw this while frenemy asked me to choose one. 

                     

                          

                      

         

She decided that she wants to give her bf a lollipop, so we went and put it in his bicycle basket.

The moon tonight.
Its so bright. The stars showed me how long I've not been out at night. 

So after that she wanted to see if he's home, we went behind the houses and counted till 5 and there, its his room!!!

(pintai wan hor? Not me but her :p )

JunHou's room!!
We actually tot he saw us, so we kinda ran.

I don't like the feeling of being the middle person, "tell him this" or " tell her that". Do I look like a postman to you?! Tell yourself la. Plus i don't like her idea of "listen to be bf". Its actually, brainwashing him with her words. What's the point of giving him space when you ask US to talk to him according to what you say? Why don't I just record and sent to him la. Well, I didn't do what she say because he just needs a friend to listen to him now not scold him or brainwash him. There's a difference you know? Well instead, I told him to settle things as soon as possible, asking Eddie and I to be the middle person is just not being mature, and we can never represent them. So he say he'll call her out to talk within these few days :) Yay!! Hope for the best.

I hate Calvin so badly!! Okay maybe not hate but dislike. Well, you can continue waiting but just don't bother me enough. All your weird theory about tattoo and suicide are pure NONSENSE!! Start loving God first before coming to tell me what's love. I don't know love but I know God will teach us to love when we seek Him. And I'm just so bad at things like that, I rather no know why, cause i just feel bad cause tattooing was because of me, not committing suicide also because of me. So what am I GOD??  I don't know, he just scares me. He talks until as if no matter what, he believes I'll just be his in future as he tries.WHAT?!?!?! Please lar!! Don't use Marry and Joseph to tell me how to build a strong relationship. 

See him like, "hehe hahaha" when talk about things like that, like SUPER KNOWLEDGEABLE. When I say its wrong to tattoo, then pula banyak pattern "its a cross la, got your name la, I love you la". NONSENSE!!! I wish its just a dream, this will haunt me man!! Guilt for I don't know how tattoo and suicidal has something to do with me. No wonder my brother is also scared and said "if he dies, his blood is in my hands" which also means, MY HANDS. God, how did safe a life became, like this?? I knew all these, "wanna learn about bible" and asking me questions was weird. Coz its all about me and I even told him off about sweet talking to me, coz it annoys me ALOT, that's just what guys do and they think its cool, NO WAY MAN. Its just words to me, everyone can say but they dont know me. If you think by asking me what person I like, and you'll try to be that person to impress me, I'M SO SORRY, that won't work. Because of him, I'm just stuck. How did I ever get into troubles like this?!? The more he talk, the more I'm messed up. I can tell you, I can never like this person, using expensive gifts, giving what I want, trying to be the person he's not, hot tempered and money minded person, These, I will not fall for. I DON'T KNOW!! WHATEVER!!! 

I just don't like telling him how am I or how's my day. ANYTHING ABOUT ME, i'll just skip it. I told him its annoying and I don't like people bothering me with messages or anything useless. I'm okay with people like Damon, Hansin, Choonkai, Genesis, its just normal daily, friendly talk, but him. Its just him, just wipe it out my memory will do.  GOD WHY?!? I DON'T WANNA KNOW, TOO MUCH INFORMATION TO PROCESS. Its making me doubt myself. In return, he's brainwashing me instead.   He just appears at the wrong time. Just get him to like someone else, and i'm happy for him. Really!! I don't know how Deriss do this but, its just hard to be friends with people who likes you like a glue and very FAN. Never ending. 

Sort of told him about my long lost friend. He kinda skipped that part XD Then I just cut him off and said, that this topic ends here and now, I don't want to hear anymore and please don't find me cause its annoying. I have never been so straight in my life, its so hard to say that but I just have to la. 

Sleep!! Good night :) I see the moon again, so bright and round. Note: 

~~ God Bless ~~

~~ Loves from Me ~~

To save a life

Exchange experience 

Its hard for me to help people with love issues because I have never been in one. How can I know how it feels? Yes, seeing  them heart broken, breaks my heart as well, because they remind me of my brother and my heart literally sank and I begin to question God. I was there when they started and now I'm here when it ended, as I ask God, my heart was so painful because last year when I prayed for her, I remember seeing the enemy taking her friends, finance, boyfriend and even studies. Slowly it came true, I feel bad because each time I want to pop THE question, some how it feels like it not time yet, but I can't help her but pray.

Monday, I received a call and she was crying very badly on the phone, my tears came down also, not because she was crying but its because she has been through so much and I'm only there to watch. In my heart I tot of Jesus, and suddenly I heard Deriss voice saying "All she need was Jesus". So I went on watsapp and told deriss about it because I'm struggling, no matter how i try to bring it up, it just doesn't link and I have no experience in love that I could relate God in. Deriss sent me a short message then I prayed. I told God that this is way beyond my knowledge and I can't convince her, but I believe He has His ways for all these, and Asking Holy Spirit to guide me while I talk to her and its about SAVING A LIFE. The pain on my chest was there and it made me hard to breath for a while but after praying, it went away. 

Just within 10 min, she replied me, but this time, at the end of the message, she say she believe in miracle and she ask if I could bring her to church. She said "Now all I need is God, I need Him to show me what to do, where to go. I'm willing to go church and find Him".

Honestly, I was shock because I don't have to open my mouth, also because she followed me to church ones but she didn't want anyone to know, and I didn't want to push her. But this time, she approach me, how can I say no right?? Its an AMEN from me and Deriss. 

Seeing her life falling down bit by bit just reminds me of my life before I came back to God. And I'm glad that I can go through with her. So on Tuesday, after class, I went to her place and another guy friend came, which helped a lot because, he was really going straight to the point and I don't have to say anything. In fact when they were talking, they came to a point where it was about one party wanting to give up and ended up regretting. Instantly, I thought of something I nearly ruined years ago and then as they talk, it got related to my friend going to UK. I don't know how, but In away it spoke to me as well.

There's a reason, why I'm going through this with my long lost friend, its because I was suppose to share with my friend and her boyfriend, because they're in a very bad situation because everything happened too fast. They both didn't understand each other and one of them went off their limits. Actually I really thank God that her bf is saying be friends, coz my friend need to get back her own life first before she could worry about other thing. Not only that, I'm starting to appreciate my long lost friend even more. And I manage to share what I have with her boyfriend and I understand his feeling because, I was like him, it had never crossed my mind about what was made as a promised becomes two people's thing, not one. And for us to step back because we say its our problem and not saying it out is kind selfish. 

 Now I really know what it means. And I was the one who started the topic about studies and we came to a point where we say, we'll wait upon the Lord as we be friends. But in the end the one who stood by the promise is not me, but him. That time I actually felt far away from him coz probably its the distance and obviously he was more closer to other people than me because we were just starting to know each other. Partly because I couldn't see where is this thing going to and I was in my mind set of guys will always be like that, I didn't know that he was serious about it and he was more serious than me. Only then, when we talk, I realize, he's more than I've expected. 

I can say, only one person who showed me that, there's a living man who is looking for a Godly healthy relationship, not simply playing around. For years, he showed the best of what God can do when you include God in a relationship. So far no one, is like him or better than him, even Gen, tho Gen is considered the good guy for us in Kampar but he's not ready yet. He needs Deriss to kick him XD Anyways, he just never fails to impress me, thank God for that. Thank God for everything. Today, everything was fully speaking to me instead. And all my previous post was part of it, all my post was part of the conversation. Its telling me distance is not a problem, it shows how strong the relationship is. Is it a confirmation for something? Who knows :p

So if you have someone special that you might want to be with in future, take your time to know each other, you have plenty of time and you're young. Live you life, while you can and share your thoughts as a form of communication. Remember, its a two way thing ;) Most importantly, commit everything to Jesus, He will help you to be ready for what's there and you'll be surprised with the wonders that He can do. He never fails to impress me by showing me what I though no longer exist, actually still does. He will also help you to. He is JESUS!

  *I miss my friend :) Hope he's doing well.

~~ God Bless ~~~~ Loves from Me ~~  

Intervention

 “For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to give strong support to those whose heart is blameless toward Him” 2 Chronicles 16:9 (ESV)

I remember Shyju mathew said that:

While continuing to hope for God’s intervention, don’t become like your enemy. If the enemy slanders, you don’t go slandering back. Don’t act like how the enemy does.Soar above your situation. Don’t hurl back at the enemy what the enemy has thrown at you. You are more honorable than that. Expect God to fight your war. Guard your heart with love and humility and move on.

Waiting alone will not do, it comes along with prayer and seeking God. I dare say, I'm not consistent in praying for my friend because I often felt discourage. But the more I worry for her, the more I ask God to help her. I don't want to be selfish, even though sometimes, I ask God why is she always gaining attention about how pity she is and stuff when people don't know the actual problem. I always ask God why not let them know how she is, but God seem to always want me to stay humble, blameless and also patience. There was a point where it was too much that, I personally felt like, I lost my patience in anything. I get irritated very easily, because she's always there to complain about her life. 

The beginning of this year, I realize that I would have lesser time to be with her because of our timetable and our difference in student status. Unfortunately, I didn't wanna stop talking to her and helping her with things she had been going through, I kept telling God I don't mind, even though at times I really can't stand her words. True enough, I'm now free from all these, "consultation hour" because, my friend is changing her course, she can't continue to be with me, under finance. When she message me about her application results, my heart dropped as I ask God not to play, because its not a joke. I found myself, crying and tell God not to let her go so easily because my job with her isn't done yet. 

Just when I saw her, she smiled, I realized that she changed in terms of the way she handled her emotions and decision wise. She was more relieved and happier when she saw me waiting for her outside. Her smile was really a smile, I've never seen her smile like that in 3 years. I was overjoyed when she told me she had an answer, even though her application is applied, she was positive and confident in making her decision. After helping her with the letter and meeting the Dean of studies, we went and meet our favorite lecturer, Miss Teoh :) She's like a parent to us, who advises us. She is the person who God sent to speak to my friend, because as a friend, what I say might not be impactful to her, but if its someone with authority and elder in age with experience, it would make a difference. 

I was very happy, that Miss Teoh mentioned about my friend's "INDIVIDUALISTIC" attitude that bothered her. She said, "you're a person who had your own thinking and wants people to follow you. If  people don't talk to you, you'll say they ignore you. This is cause friendship to break because you push they to the edge. When people talk, and the topic doesn't suits you, you will keep quiet hoping that they'll change the topic. When got any problem, you want your friend to come and talk to you first or say sorry. People like this usually, I'll give 3 chances max, then I'll just leave them but Sara did not."

Honestly, I was shock and my tears came out, because someone finally knew how I felt as a friend beside her, all the times that we argued about how she blamed others and not herself and how she said i left her. I never did, and the fact that when she was wrong and she didn't want to admit she just said "okay lo, everything also I wrong okay? Okay?!" To me its a way of pushing it aside, hiding away from her mistakes. Everything I do, its because of her action and her expression that I didn't want to disturb her but leave her alone. Now, that Miss Teoh mentioned about it, my friend was able to see that this is really  who she was, keeping herself closed up and if she don't like one thing, she'll never try to like it, same goes to her studies. 

We had 3 meeting with our lecturer and it was such a time, that it was enough to wake her up from her mindset. I now understand when God said wait, wait for him to intervent this problem. And just when I thought, I have nothing to do for God after this friend, last night, I realize I met this junior (lai ping) of mine for a reason as well. She came to me last Thursday, and she followed me for our welcoming night, so we decided to meet up on monday (last night). That was the time, the word "spending time" was very clear to me as we were having our dinner. After awhile, we came into a serious topic about her mom who passed away and her dad. She also talked about how hurt she was that she failed all her subject during her 1st semester in degree. I was glad that her problem in her relationship, I was able to relate with her and she is really hungry for the answer. 

After knowing that my house had a blackout because of the overflowing water from the water tank above Mimi's room and we all have to shift out for a night, some for a week or two. Lai pig was with me because we were talking at the lake side, so we were also talking in the dark for 2hrs until my roommate came home, because I had to go to Deriss' place to take a bath and probably sleep there, but she fell and sprained her leg so she was at the hospital, so Lai ping ask me to stay with her since she likes to listen to my stories. She's very nice and naive like a small girl. Well, I hope I can do my best to help her while I'm still here. If it wasn't because I went to FGO I wouldn't have seen her and she can't tell her problems to anyone. I think she felt that she finally found someone, a christian who she can talk to after so long, because as she talked to me, her tears was there, waiting to flow down. Thank God, my job for my friend is actually done, now its Lai ping :) Better kau tim myself before I kau tim others XD 

GREAT SEM, GREAT EXPERIENCE, GREAT TO MEET NEW PEOPLE. 

~~ God Bless ~~

~~ Loves from Me ~~ 

DISTANCE . LOVE . GOD . WORDS . TIME

When you're away all people do is doubt

If you love someone more than anything, 
Then distance only matters to the mind,
not to the heart
Distance between two hearts isn't an obstacle,
rather a beauty reminder of just how strong true love can be  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1 CORINTHIANS 13: 4 - 8

" Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered,

 it keeps no records of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoice with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues,

 they will be stilled; where there is knowledge,

it will pass away."

I think a healthy relationship always makes you realize what God has done all this while. Its not about how good you feel, but its just how God made it happened. Imagine without Him, this wouldn't be anything special or you'll end up having a very saddening relationship. 

Erm, its not that i'm in love XD I wont say love cause I think I'm far away from love? I don't know, God knows, let time show. But its truly God's blessing that I'm who I am and the way I look at relationships or anything, this all comes from seeking the Lord and asking Him to guide you in this relationship which you had no idea of. Though I'm not in any REAL relationship but I'm happy with what I'm going through, its more like a time to know what we really see in a relationship and knowing my friend better before going into something deeper.

I think its not a must for a person to always be there because for me one special day that sums up everything will be very meaningful, like now. Because, you'll be talking about what happened, how were you and all. Its more like another time of sharing, listening and keeping up. Well, after a long time of disappearance, when you start talking to that person, you feel more... I don't know how to describe it, but its more than before, because you miss the person? :p 

Now, I'm rational enough but I REALLY hope, I'm still like this in future, i'm scared that I'm just gonna be like other girls, which i feel its annoying and childish. I hope what I'm about to go through will be different enough that its gonna be a thing to be shared to all my friends :) Lord, help me to be different, cause we're called to be different.

Its actually weird how things just have to happen, to see how you actually feel about someone, right? I didn't know until... hehe!! Secret :p Really, thank God that each time I pray, there's always a way out. Like calling, If it wasn't for long lost friend who went and find some random photo to create a convo, I think, it would have been a sad birthday for someone, and I would feel bad and regret it. Honestly, I'm not a person who normally show stuffs, and its some how bad i think, people, wouldn't know how i feel or what i'm thinking. Its good that my friend initiated the convo and ask me again, or else, its gonna be harder for me to start any convo in future :) 

I'm also happy that we're able to share and talk about things, so there's nothing to hide, like some people, you can't mention this person's name, or talk about this and that. This friend doesn't mind and in return, listened to me even though he can't help me, but it did, to me its like you cared about what happened and tried helping. And i like how it turned out to be something funny XD 

Its those little things about this person that made me.... Hahahaha!! Just fill up those blanks yourself :p And I really like listening to stories about my friend and random jokes, doesn't have to be a good one, but since i don't know jokes, everything would be funny to me :) Out of so many years and people i know, FINALLY SOMEONE HAS THE SAME THINKING AS ME. If there's no similarities in what we think, its gonna be hard, I don't think I'll even start anything cause they won't understand what i mean. Oh well, who cares!! My friend DOES ;) Can I say that, anyone who knows this friend is very fortunate? hehe, really, not kidding :p 

Oh man, I gotta stop SOON. Well, this sums up everything about last week, all that I learned and saw. Trust in the Lord and Submit your relationship to God because He wants to be involve in anything that you're in :) I'm truly blessed and happy to meet my friend, if God allows, I would want it to go further and really be my 1st and last. Good night :)  

~~ God Bless ~~

~~ Loves from Me ~~